Everything about it was perfect and it healed me all the way to the core. There are no words for what I feel because of this. I will carry these memories in my heart forever. Can’t wait to share it with my new family.
- Francesca Federici
Before reaching the age of 6 our brain is in a perpetual Theta state, which means that whatever we hear and experience during this time is taken in at the deep level of the subconscious mind. We are literally being programmed in ways that will influence the outcomes of our lives. Belonging, loyalties in love, beliefs and secret contracts that bind us deeply to the rules of our tribe are established during this time for the sake of our survival and protection.
From the moment we are born our path to success is being determined. Our birth is our first major success, the effort, will and drive required to push ourselves into life with no external intervention is a collaborative effort with our mother as her body yields itself to our instinctual drive to arrive. This is where if we are fortunate to have had a natural birth we proved our capacity to forcefully assert ourselves. And it is this success that keeps on supporting us throughout our life.
Some might wonder what relevance our birth has to our achievements, work and professional success later in life. And does our success later in life really depend on this first success, our birth?
People who come into life via C-Section or who are pulled into life with forceps, how well do they perform later in life as first a child and later as an adult. How is their self – reliance, resilience and assertiveness? These are challenges that can be overcome with the right kind of support to a certain extent and we are aware in the therapeutic field that such a challenge can gift unique skills that will strengthen these individuals later in life.
Ultimately our ability to succeed fully in life lies in relation to our parents and our willingness to graciously receive all that they gave us, most significantly our life. Some may feel challenged to embrace all these gifts wholeheartedly if they determine that some were not to their liking, should have been better, different or otherwise. In truth often it is the more challenging experiences we receive from our parents that prove to be the source of our greatest skills, talents and abilities.
Through our parents we become successful, prosperous, rich and experience abundance in all realms of our lives. Most particularly through our mother, the fountain of life, everything in those early years flows from her to us. We take our existence as we take our mother, as we take our mother we take our whole life. And as life passes from generation to generation, we stand tall on the shoulders of giants.
Our ancestors are our greatest resource when it comes to success. Their ability to overcome adversity in harder times, reproduce and keep their children alive is the reason we are alive. Each generation shares the wisdom of how to succeed. It is a wisdom inherited and embedded in our subconscious from before we were born into our early years.
Modern life has left its indelible mark on us all. Insecurity is prevalent and this is dues to a loss of connection with the wisdom of our ancestors, ourselves. New authorities stand between us and them on how to live, love, marry, parent, ascend the ladders of work and career. Most now succeed as a result of an external drive to prove their worthiness under the mistaken belief that success is driven by financial portfolios, second homes and a linear career trajectory. Unaware that they are failing elsewhere. We are in the midst of a crisis on every possible level as a result. Systems for health, finance, housing, wellbeing, relationships and family bear the weight of our collective failing.
Those who maintain contact with this wisdom are able to overcome and prevail. Stories handed from one generation to the next is one way we keep this intelligence alive, similarly archetypes, myths and legends keep us connected to these guiding principles.
If we can return to the most elusive of brain states – Theta, the state of early childhood – and explore its riches, this is where we find the gems, the crucible of our neurological activity where knowledge and information that normally lies beyond our conscious awareness resides.
When we are awake Theta is a state we might fleetingly visit, whilst daydreaming or drifting momentarily into sleep. Theta stands in stark contrast to a heightened state of stress or anxiety or a depressed state. For most people entering the Theta state whilst awake comes from years of practising meditation for extended periods of time, or through an induced hypnotic state under the supervision of an experienced Clinical Hypnotherapist.
Fortunately, brainwave therapy along with guided meditation can accelerate the process, making it possible to drop into deep meditative states even if you have never meditated before or completed your Jedi training with Yoda.
How to create the success you long for.
Create Success The Meditation was developed to help you access the higher levels of creativity that are essential to finding the answers you long for. These are answers you cannot find in books or from other people. There is no online coaching course, workshop, life hack or “how to” list that is ever going to give you the answers that are uniquely yours. You are not a carbon copy of anyone else, and you never will be. Only you can find the right answers for you, all anyone else can offer you is a map that will guide you to the inward journey. This guided meditation allows you to enter the altered state, trance or dream like state of Theta. Flashes of vivid imagery dance before your mind’s eye, you may notice a mild floating sensation as your mind expands beyond the boundaries of your body.
The movement to success is a return to love, a return to what has been misplaced or forgotten as learnt fear, doubt and insecurity become seemingly insurmountable obstacles, illusions of the mind. Through regular listening we practise the movement of achievement and success until imagined obstacles fade. And so we go, step by step, and in every step we sense our parents and our ancestors lovingly behind us. In closeness with them we are well equipped for success in all areas of our life and we will arrive there.
For information about how Guided Meditation and Hypnosis can support you contact me here.
The Create Success Guided Meditation by Life Therapy with Zita can be purchased on Itunes click image below.
When I was a child there was a comic strip series that used to appear in a local newspaper. The strip was called Love is… and would depict a series of love notes written by the cartoonist Kim Casali to her husband, Roberto Casali. The strip hit my radar sometime in the late 1970’s during early puberty when the notion of love beyond my mother was starting to blossom. Love Story was in the cinemas and the strip hit full stride with “Love is… never having to say you’re sorry.” The first adolescence that presents as puberty is a time where we move away from our family of origin to explore the world and in doing so we are more exposed to people whose values, beliefs, history and culture are quite different to our own. It is these differences that ultimately assure we will not mate with a close relative but with someone who has enough genetic diversity for us to create healthy children.
Years later, now as a coach, therapist and confidante to many who have traversed the painful side of life and love, I have reached a deeper understanding of what Love is. To truly love someone you must be willing to accept their fate too.
In the deep, simple truth of this kind of love we remove the outmoded pitfalls of partnership, marriage and relationship that once centred on wanting the other person to change, be more like us and less like who they really are.
We are all familiar with the experience of having people who we love but wish they would be happier, quit drugs, drink less, be more affectionate, communicative, in touch with their feminine side, more assertive, independent, patient and devoid of destructive behaviour patterns. We hope, often in vain, that they will realise the error of their ways, acknowledge they are wrong, start to believe that they are worthy of something better, be more religious, less spiritual, or less religious and more spiritual, change their life, wake up or just do whatever it takes to be better.
It is a very appealing and seemingly innocent desire to want the best for someone else, to make it so that their life fit more conveniently in with our perception of a conventional and sustainable life. The reality is, life is not an Instagram moment, it is not about the best bits, the filtered, photoshopped digital snap that we choose to share publicly. Life is so much more than that, life is messy and life is messy because love is messy, painful and will challenge us to the very core of our being.
I am reminded that ‘love is never having to say you are sorry’ is rooted in something deeper; love is never having to apologise for who we are, where we come from or where we are going. This kind of self acceptance has a profound healing affect. All the more so when those we love can hold us in this place of compassionate acceptance as we move through life’s challenges and struggles.
“You truly love someone when you love their fate.” – Zita
Expecting the other person to change is at odds with loving them and accepting them. Acceptance is what allows another person to heal and grow. If you can’t accept them or you feel a need to change their fate, then there is a part of them that you are not willing to accept. In effect you are saying; “I know better than you, what is best for you.” Such an idea is dangerous not least of all because it assumes a certain kind of superiority.
The truth is we don’t really know what is better for another person because we can only know our own experience and what is better for ourselves. How can we possibly know the solution to another persons problem, if firstly, we feel a need to change it and secondly, we don’t even really know what it is to live with that particular fate or challenge. Nor do we know the potential benefits that come with the challenge of that fate. Fate includes; gender, race, culture, parents, traumas and much more. And what makes a person’s fate unique is that it is infinitely different from yours. Even siblings enter a family at a different time in the family history and so their fate is also unique. If we struggle to accept the fate of our partner we will struggle to accept the children we create with them and the effect of that on children itself becomes a challenging fate we hope others will love and accept them for.
As a solutions focussed coach I accept the fate of clients and support them to do the same for themselves. In a safe space of compassion and non-judgement I am able to support them to find solutions that are appropriate for them and the systems to which they are inextricably bound. When people are accepted, they are able to maintain their dignity, their strength and sense of self and it is this that propels them toward what they need.
In my experience, we must each tend to our own needs. If someone’s pain troubles us rather than seek to fix them it may be wise to ask what about this really troubles me, what trauma of my own does this touch? What other people need is always far deeper and more complex than what we want for them. If we resolve our own inner conflicts first it becomes much easier to see and understand this. Our capacity for success in Love is our personal growth.
Do you want to fall in love with writing? Greta Solomon is a London based Author, Speaker and Writing Coach. In this conversation Zita talks with Greta not just about how you can fall in love with writing, but why you must fall in love with writing. The benefits are immeasurable, from writing a captivating novel to a blog, a journal or an email to someone you hold dear. Writing can be a powerful way to find your voice and become visible, build esteem and confidence and most importantly create a deeper intimacy with yourself.
Greta is the author of Just Write It (Mcgraw – Hill)
In her second book Heart, Soul and Sass (Mango 2019) Greta inspires her readers to joyfully embrace writing as a way to developing creativity and to better express themselves. Greta has taught many talented and skilled professionals to hone their writing skills and express themselves clearly. She is the writers’ writing teacher and coach.
“Write your way to a fully expressed life.” – Greta
I hope you enjoy the conversation.
Zita in conversation with Dr. Maggie Semple OBE
Zita, the founder of Life Therapy with Zita welcomes you to the debut episode of Conversations with Ourselves. Zita talks about the podcast and shares an inspiring conversation with Dr. Maggie Semple OBE. Maggie is a successful business woman and entrepreneur – founder of “Semple” – a bespoke women’s fashion brand. She is a Member of the Queen’s Counsel Appointments Panel, Executive Director of the Criminal Cases Review Commission. Maggie also serves on a number of boards including the Southbank Arts Centre and is a trusted advisor to many substantial organisations.
In the 90’s Maggie served as Director of Education and Training for the Arts Council, she then went on to become the Director of Learning Experience at the Millennium Dome managing a budget of £80m. Shortly after, she received her OBE.
Maggie has achieved so much; doubtless, she is a bold leader, courageous, gracious, fun and kind she is an inspiration to many. I loved the conversation with Maggie, I trust you will too.
“the world is there for you to grasp” – Maggie Semple
“It is never too late or too early to Stand Tall.” – Zita
How to retreat and strategise.
We have created a world in which not one day goes by where there is not someone selling us, telling us to buy this, watch that, be this, do that, de – stress, watch your weight, be mind full of your mental health issues, meditate on your lack of this, telling us that you are not enough of this and you are definitely far too much of that and you could certainly do better at that. Buy this new face cream now so that you can have the skin of an undernourished pre-teen as you glide towards your 40s and 50s. Why? Because all of this will “change your life.”
Sadly, we are never told what exactly it will change our life to. Clearly it is not something better because if all of it were working proportionately to the amount of it sold, we would surely have enough of it by now to have made a noticeable difference. We would all feel relaxed and very happy. Right? Apparently not. Other than a few fleeting moments of joy, some hours of euphoria at best, life stumbles on and you continue to do the best that you can with what you are given.
The true question is: When was the last time you experienced a real radical shift in your life outside of the major life events of growing up, getting married, having children, getting a great job, getting a great promotion, a remarkable pay rise at said job, a difficult time in your relationship? The constant low level, deep hum of stress buzzing around your ears, now managed mostly with wine and a massage hovers. Hopefully, one day, there will be time – you will make the time – to deal with whatever unprecedented life event has made life a bit more challenging than you had hoped.
When was the last time you really shook things up? When was the last time that instead of brushing another thing under the rug, you lifted up the rug to see what you were actually storing under it? My guess is probably not very often, if ever. It’s not normal but it is accepted, more or less, that after a while you just sort of give up and get on with it all as best you can. People become too afraid to look under the rug, they lie awake at night, hoping, praying that the rug won’t misbehave, jump up and bite them. You never really smile on the commute to work anymore because the stuff under the rug is quietly sucking away your joy. And as life gets faster and busier, the moments to truly reflect become fewer. The sugary silt of the food and drink consumed to act as a buffer between you and the stuff under the rug starts to settle in. Before long, whole years have slipped by without you even noticing that the rug is now on the ceiling drip feeding the unresolved mess into the parts of your life you wish you could avoid or get away from. All you notice is the tension, the colds, the stress, the disappointments, frustrations and challenges rising up each morning to greet you. If it is not the nanny or the cleaning lady, it’s the boss, or that creepy annoying guy from god knows where. Strained relationships tugging at the seams of loosely woven lies. Papering over the cracks as you look for another pot of miracle cream, another detox diet, another remedy to keep the rug in place, all perfect and nice as your whole being starts to feel the fizzle and crack. Last question. When is enough, enough?
It is a great tradition for many to take annual leave, go on holiday and effectively press pause for a few weeks or so. You’ve earned it. There are a plethora of holiday companies offering getaways in paradise to help you take the weight off your shoulders as you exit the arrivals hall at destination X, Y or Z. Only to then return home buoyed by a renewed sense of joie de vivre and good intentions to make some serious changes.
Constantly evolving we are. A spa-retreat was the new upgraded version of a holiday for those high achievers as more and more people realised that to be on top of their game they had to rejuvenate their body. First, it was the retreats that offered detoxes, fasting, dieting, mega fitness pump, boot camps, fire eating, womb lighting and man caving. Like anything that is worth doing well, these too are starting to become more refined, too much high intensity of anything creates more burn out for the burnt out.
Thankfully, the new wave is wellness and wellbeing retreats; these are the holidays of choice for those who sense they are not realising their full potential whether they are hard working, high achievers or are among the many whose dreams never seem to get off the ground. The difference: a more long – term approach to your wellbeing, they seek to touch upon your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual systems to bring them and you into harmony. So instead of coming back a few pounds lighter, glistening with good health that soon fades, there are programmes tailored by exceptional coaches and therapists that serve to allow you to embrace change, meaningful and lasting change, not just for your body, but for the whole of your life too.
Life Therapy Retreats.
Zita invites you to join her on Life Therapy Retreats. Tailor made for the woman who wants to come back with the resources to be fully, wonderfully her best self and to be present for her life. From under the rug comes what you have been afraid to look at.
From my years of experience as a coach and a therapist what you will find under the rug is yourself, including all the hidden gems, the parts of you that you did not feel you had a right to own. Whilst you were busy getting everything else right, taking care of others needs, doing 150% to be as good as a man worth your 100%, you lost touch with who you really are. What is your true potential? I doubt you even know the answer to that yourself. I imagine by now you are starting to grasp that it is far more than you dared hope or imagine.
Its not enough to just get by anymore. If you are serious about the life you are living then your wellbeing matters. I can assure you there is nothing fun about a life where your wellbeing is not high on the agenda. You can’t really sit and say it’s because of men that you aren’t seen or acknowledged, when you resist seeing and acknowledging yourself. That makes no sense at all. Sure men have their stuff to look at, but women do too.
Make a strategic manoeuvre, change your life and find your purpose.
Come and join us on the Stand Tall retreat.
When we are stuck we need to shake ourselves up. The more we are shaken, the more we must let go of our former selves, assumptions and limiting beliefs to begin again. Rebuilding ourselves can be a truly challenging process. It can be demanding, excruciating, exhausting. It can also be exciting, liberating and rejuvenating. Most importantly it can open the door to a new life, a life more suited to who you really are. Nothing is more fulfilling than living life from the place of your true potential.
It is the role of each generation to become a little more free, to secure a piece of freedom that wasn’t available to our ancestors and previous generations. It is absolutely necessary to recognise those who came before us, those who made way for us. Because of them we are able to build our own dreams and overcome every obstacle placed in our way—physical, sociological, spiritual and mental.
“Because it is not an organized religion as such, but rather a spiritual practice, shamanism cuts across all faiths and creeds, reaching deep levels of ancestral memory. As a primal belief system, which precedes established religion, it has its own symbolism and cosmology, inhabited by beings, gods, and totems, who display similar characteristics although they appear in various forms, depending upon their places of origin.”
– John Matthews, The Celtic Shaman
Shamanism has been around for hundreds of thousands of years, and is once again growing in popularity as a way for people to de-stress and reconnect in a world that has pushed nature and meaningful relationships towards the side-lines. The purpose of Shamanism is to heal the four bodies; spiritual, emotional, physical and mental. In my travels across this planet there is not one place I have visited where Shamanism is not practised and revered by many. As part of my training as a Coach and Therapist I have found that there are many elements of traditional Shamanism that have great value in supporting our every day experience of life. One aspect in particular that I often employ in my work with clients is ritual.
“You are what you repeatedly do” – Aristotle
I remember in my early days of training one of the first things I learnt about ritual was how it could be effectively used as a device to break old habits and patterns of behaviour and illicit new and healthier ones. I had a client who persistently got moving violations for not fastening his seatbelt, and he had come to me to break this very expensive habit through hypnosis. The solution was simple. I told him to perform the ritual of leaving his house, getting into his car and fastening his seat belt and repeating the action 21 times, whilst repeating a sentence that I had specifically crafted to suit his new pattern of behaviour. He never forgot to fasten his seatbelt ever again. This is just one example in which hypnosis and ritual can be highly effective in creating meaningful change. It is an incredibly simple process that we can draw upon to great effect.
There is this common yet misguided belief that life is beyond our control, or that we can just magically change the way we think and we will change our lives. One of the simplest and most effective ways to create lasting change in our lives for the better is to create a visceral experience. Simply put – to change what we repeatedly do – that a subtle yet profound emotional shift is quietly acknowledged at the deeper levels of our consciousness. We can make that change at any moment. I often find that today is always the best day to start.
Our life is not shaped by big external events, it is not changed by decisions we make, it is not changed by the opinion of others. Our lives are changed by ritual, the ritual of our daily actions, and if that action is repeated often enough we create a new habit. We learnt to walk and talk – two of the most complex skills for humans to master – when we were incredibly young. These great feats were achieved by repetition driven by a need to belong. That is a very powerful combination to inspire and motivate significant change. The ability to walk and talk assured our belonging to the tribe into which we were born, our family, our social group and our country. This innate need to belong gives added depth to the task of repeating an action. Similarly, ritual brings in a sense of sacred meaning and power. So when we have the desire, and the impetus to create change, there is tremendous value in giving honour to the action by ritualising it. Hence some of the most important moments of our life are marked by ritual to clearly indicate that something profound has happened.
The golden number is 21 days. Once a ritual has been performed and repeated for 21 days consecutively it is certain that change will occur. You can change your health, wellbeing, work performance, relationships and so much more. Recent research from the university of California shows that your brain is led by your actions, if you start by making your daily actions positive then your daily thoughts will be positive. Action creates a vibration in our bodies, and when vibration and thought are combined the change in thinking has greater depth than changing our thinking alone.
A daily ritual is a way of saying I am voting for myself, today in this moment I am going to take good care of myself. Rituals require commitment, engagement, ownership and accountability. There is no half-mast. If you start a ritual and then stop before day 21, don’t be surprised if nothing happens.
There is little benefit for a Coach to support someone who is half hearted. A good Coach will not do it. If however, you are committed to making change and are interested in exploring rituals to do so, then contact me here.
When we are stuck we need to shake ourselves up. The more we are shaken, the more we must let go of our former selves, our assumptions and limiting beliefs to begin again. Reshaping ourselves can be a truly challenging process. It can be demanding, excruciating, exhausting. It can also be exciting, liberating and rejuvenating. Most importantly it can open the door to a new life, a life more suited to who we really are. Nothing is more fulfilling than living life from the place of our true potential.
We have entered an Age of Disruption. Mass poverty. Mass migration. Climate chaos. Fundamentalism. Terrorism. Financial oligarchies. The desire for profound personal, social, and global renewal has never been more pressing. The need for purposeful leadership has never been more wanted and needed.
The age of disruption addresses endings and new beginnings as an old civilisation and a ‘me’ mindset recedes into the past. As the yet unknown future starts to emerge, it is clear that resistance and fighting is not enough. What is clear is that the shift requires us to expand our thinking from the head to the heart. It is a future that requires us to tap into a deeper level of our humanity. Who we really are and what do we want to be as a society? Rather than collectively creating results that nobody wants the emerging need is a shift in our awareness from ego – systems to eco – systems, a new approach to living not just as groups and organisations, but also as a global community.
As human beings, we are on a journey of social evolution, of becoming who we really are. The journey to our true selves is open-ended, we may experience it as confusion, depression, breakdowns and disruptions in our lives but the journey can also lead to extraordinary breakthroughs. It is the breakthroughs that give not only a deeper understanding of that which makes us uniquely us, they also contain the potential to strengthen us in all areas of life.
Everywhere we look in life we can see evidence of remarkable individuals and communities that have managed to break through the walls of trauma, tyranny and suffering in order to form a deeper connection with humanity. What makes this possible? When we shift our focus from what takes place in the exterior world to what takes place within, we become aware, transformed. Rwanda is an example of a country that has made staggering and inspiring leaps forward from its past to become the secure and stable country it is today by openly engaging such an approach.
This inner shift to greater awareness of ‘what is’ and sensing into the emerging future possibilities lies at the core of all deep leadership work today. It is a shift that requires us to expand our thinking, to pioneer new principles and personal practices, for any leader it is perhaps the most vitally important undertaking of our time. It is within this process of updating leadership that we find a way to preserve identity and incorporate new useful insights and mental models to survive and thrive.
Purposeful leadership requires us to suspend our judgements of how things should be, how we traditionally believe individuals and organisations should function, redirect our attention, let go of limiting beliefs and ideas inherited from the past and allow the future that wants to emerge to reveal itself to us. Purposeful leadership has a place and value not just for the individual, it can also be of great benefit for businesses, government bodies, education and the various systems which exist within our local communities and cultures.
We cannot change the past and it’s events, however, we can address the effect it has on us today and use that wisdom to create outcomes that benefit the greater good of all.
“The moment we believe we can learn something new, we begin the process of learning something new” – Zita
Everything about it was perfect and it healed me all the way to the core. There are no words for what I feel because of this. I will carry these memories in my heart forever. Can’t wait to share it with my new family.
- Francesca Federici