Everything about it was perfect and it healed me all the way to the core. There are no words for what I feel because of this. I will carry these memories in my heart forever. Can’t wait to share it with my new family.
- Francesca Federici
In this TED talk ‘The Power of Addiction and The Addiction of Power’ Gabor Mate discusses addiction challenging the typical thinking around this issue. He searches deeply for the roots and the wisdom of any addiction, arguing that we shouldn’t be asking ‘Why the addiction?’ – we should be asking ‘Why the pain?’
“The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed.” – Chinese Proverb
The therapeutic healing you experience in Life Therapy is not an all at once thing that blows you out of the water. There are many small often seemingly imperceptible shifts that occur along the way and each one takes some time getting used to. Basically you are un-learning a long-standing habit of behaviour, belief, experience and relearning the real one, yours.
Most people are used to living with suppressed fear, denial and anger as a sort of survival mode comfort level, to cope they tend to use strong fixed beliefs, opinions, and habits, to mask feelings of core rage, panic, and pain. The coping aspect requires that you will be more inclined to live in your head, on autopilot. There is significant research and study available now that clearly states to do so will eventually compromise your health and well – being and that much like a chronic low level of depression, medication simply cannot address. There is nothing in your life that requires you to look closely at the core driving mechanisms within, other than your own life. The overwhelming majority of my clients came to me because they realised that if they wanted their life to be more satisfying and fulfilling, something had to change. Seeking the support of Life Therapy with Zita at this point, was the wisest thing they could have done. In order for any kind of lasting and meaningful change to occur you have to dissolve the fears and heal the emotional wounds that are in the way by understanding them. That means you have to face them, feel them, and decode them, which most people dread. The trick is to observe the hurtful patterns of your life. Then, find a new perspective so that don’t repeat them.
Each time an emotional shift occurs you may or may not experience symptoms within your body as the cells in your body adjust to new, healthy thought patterns, and authentic behaviour dislodge suppressed fear from your subconscious mind. For some people this can feel a bit uncomfortable as you gently ease yourself out of limiting comfort zones that kept you stuck. Emotions, which are just thoughts in-motion start to move around and in many instances leave the body altogether as tears, minor ailments, headaches a healing crisis. It is quite common for people at this point to think that therapy is making them worse rather than better, some people may become more defensive as they unconsciously try to sustain the status quo. The effort of avoiding and re-suppressing subconscious blocks will eventually wear you out, and the exhaustion can cause you to feel disillusioned, unmotivated and hopeless. The good news is, this is a good indication that you have reached a turning point. It is usually at this point, when you are finally so tired of resisting and controlling, and so overwhelmed by complexity, that you stop and come to the realisation there is nothing more you can do.
The whole Life Therapy experience of healing leads you to a place where you simply come to terms with what is happening. You come to a place of peace with what it is to be with yourself and with the fears and the pain. This is an important part of the healing of your life, a simple, natural, healthy way to evolve emotionally. Once you can experience the state that you are directly in without having to judge it or act on it everything becomes much easier, simpler. You are strengthened in a way that will last you for the rest of your life.
By simply ‘being’ with Life, letting things be as they are, you return to an experience of your own ‘being’ which was always present behind the veil of distractions and illusions. And when you live from this place life becomes as it is meant to be blissful, fun, clear.
Hypnotherapy supports you to engage with silence and look deeper within where your real strengths are waiting to be discovered by you. As you tune in your intuition becomes more finely tuned. Your intuition is one of the most extraordinary and powerful skills you posses, the store house of wisdom. Your intuition becomes even more purposeful when it is balanced with your rational side. Too many people are living difficult lives simply because they rely too heavily on their sense of rational and reason, this makes life rather complicated and a struggle. You know this already, it’s why you are reading this. You already know that something needs to change. That is a good thing it means that you are ready for change, ready for personal growth. What a wonderful thing that is! If you can get along with your intuition you will unleash a force within you that has the capacity to allow you to create the life you want. Your mental acuity increases to a capacity that most of what you may have struggled with in the past becomes so much easier to navigate. Most people report back a sense of peaceful clarity. Understanding and compassion dissolved their fears. There is a gentle release, relief and a return to joy as your whole being is allowed to soften into accepting that suffering is no longer a required part of your life experience. You will feel so much better!
Life Therapy precipitates the end of a stagnant life. Your mind is now free to make the right choices for you, and since your mind has been freed of fearful choices it starts to make choices that are rooted in love, the most essential form of love, self love. By achieving greater compassion for yourself you will naturally extend the same to others. It’s a win win situation all round.
I am ready. Are you willing? Call or mail me now, to book an appointment. 07709046643
A wonderful, wonderful talk. When you have a few minutes sit and watch this. Amazing. Brene Brown is a Sociologist who was doing research into what makes people feel connected, truly connected and what makes others feel alone. Fascinating!
“Enlightenment is intimacy with what is” Zita
Every single day all over the world parents teach their children the rules of the game. They teach their children how to conform, how to fit in. They teach their children the rules of their tribe. Parents teach their children that to be loved and belong; “this is how ‘we’ behave”, “this is how ‘we’ think”.
Children, for even as an adult you remain the child of your parents, are extremely loyal in love to their family, especially their parents. Even those who say they live completely different lives to their parents, the patterns will remain the same. Children will get sick for their parents, children will even die for their parents so deep is the love and the bond. People follow their parents because to not do so would threaten their existence, they have been taught to believe by inference that they will be excluded or are unlikely to survive if they stray too far from the family fold. Quite often you will hear someone say words to the effect of; “All my family vote Labour so I vote Labour.” “All my family are professionals so I became a Lawyer.” “My Mother and my Grandmother always cooked the Turkey this way.” and so on. Parents judge their children to be ‘good’ when they follow the family code. In fact for the vast majority of people breaking the family code would be experienced as a profound emotional and psychological trauma. We often witness this when marriages irretrievably breakdown and the strain of following the partner’s family beliefs and traditions is just too difficult to adjust to. And so partners are blamed for not loving you the way you are familiar and comfortable with. Every day you demand of others that they break these profound bonds of love to satisfy your own wants, desires, needs and judgments whilst refusing to give up your own.
Imagine, if you will, that for a person who is following a family tradition where men are expected to take a back seat in the affairs of the household, or a woman who experienced her father as absent, it will be quite a challenge for this woman to adjust her perception of a household and family that runs against a said truth as she has learnt and experienced it. Imagine a man who was sent away to boarding school at a very young age, or who was raised by a father who taught him that working long hours was the honourable way to earn a respectable income to support his family and teach his children a sound work ethic, that his natural reaction would be to work endless hours or remain detached from the family he creates. Whatever the differences may be they remain powerful bonds to which we are all tied.
Marriage in and of itself requires a great deal of maturity, a willingness to surrender part of your connection to your roots in order to establish new ties, create new bonds in the branches of an extended family tree as two different family systems blend and unite. If each partner can willingly let go of some of their family of origin ties to support the new, then we see a strength in the bond that can sustain a marriage and the demands it makes of each everyday. If you yourself can bring yourself to the level of understanding of how it would feel to dishonour your parents, your family, your tribe then perhaps you yourself have already taken a step closer to understanding what is required to really empathise with the other. If you expect or demand that your partner give up these invisible bonds of love and attachment they have to their family of origin the more vehemently they will fight to defend them. The only judgement you have over whether it is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ principally coming from what your parents have taught you. Mothers have the greatest influence over children and it is the same love you were unconsciously seeking when you chose your partner. The rejection of a partner is not just the rejection of the love you received from your Mother it is also intrinsically a rejection of yourself. This is why love is so painful. That which remains unresolved with your mother is carried over to be resolved with your partner, husband or wife. You are no different from your partner who loves their family with all their heart and who fears being excluded if they stray.
We have become so fixated on looking at life from a superficial perspective, making judgements based on early conditioning that we never really consider that behind much that we deem to be ‘bad’ ‘wrong’ in the other is actually a hidden loyalty of great love for that which they came from. You can’t change your life and your world from a place of judgement, blame and hypocrisy. You can only change it from a place of understanding, forgiveness, compassion and a willingness to change yourself first. As you change, your world changes with you. If it comes to a point that it is not possible to continue your life with your partner, the very least you can do is honour the love that existed between you. Acknowledge with love the seeming differences between you and graciously, gracefully move on.
When Ms. Paltrow and Mr. Martin announced their ‘conscious uncoupling’ much mockery was made of the idea, an indication of the prevailing attitude that separation and divorce is naturally about conflict and a lack of compassion for our soon to be ex-love. The truth is, there is no off ramp in love for if there was you were never really in love in the first place. A rather sobering thought if you think about it… particularly if there are children involved. The damaged caused by such an immature notion is profound, incomprehensible and essentially rather cruel. There is no need to stamp out every ember of love to justify a decision to change. One or both of you has made a choice, accept what is and be kind about it.
When peaceful resolutions are not reached the negative fall out reaches far beyond court judgements and legal documents, they stay with you, carry over into the next relationship and have a profoundly negative impact on the generations that follow. Children are loyal to their parents after all.
If it is your heartfelt intention to live a happy, peaceful, joyful life then it is worth considering gaining a new perspective, a kind and loving perspective, a perspective that is for the greater good of all.
To bring love and harmony into your life such that you might prosper, book an appointment now. Call Zita on 07709046643 My door is open to the willing.
“Don’t just do something, sit there, in silence.” Zita
In an art show called “The Artist Is Present,” Marina Abramović sat in the museum’s atrium for 700 hours (6 days a week for 7 hours a day) inviting the crowds of viewers to sit directly opposite her in silent dialogue.
The video below shows Abramović, sitting and waiting for her next silent interlocutor. At the end, Ulay who was her lover and collaborator for 12 years when they were young, approaches and takes a seat. Until that moment they had neither seen or spoken to each other in over 20 years. Marina Abramović looks up to what was probably the most unexpected sight of the night. Their reunion touchingly reminds us that we do not always need words to speak and communicate our most sincere feelings.
We live in a world of rapid, constant communication and input where our attention is always pulled somewhere else and we experience a seemingly endless cascade of thoughts swimming in our head.
What happens when we stop to listen to what is spoken in silence?
You are you. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like you. Everything that comes out of you is authentically yours, because you alone chose it. You own everything about you: your body, your feelings, your mouth, your voice, all of your actions, whether they be to others or yourself. You own your fantasies, your dreams, your hopes, your fears. You own your triumphs and successes, all your failures and mistakes. Because you own all of you. You can become intimately acquainted with you. By doing so, you can love yourself and be friendly with all your parts. You know there are aspects about yourself that puzzle you, and other aspects that you do not know, but as long as you are friendly and loving towards yourself, you can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about who you are. However you look and sound, whatever you say and do, and whatever you think and feel at any given moment in time is authentically you. If later some parts of how you looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, you can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which you discarded. You can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. You have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of you. You own you, and therefore, You can engineer you. You are you, and You are Okay.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi
February is here! A collective sigh of relief as New Years resolutions have been left along Give Up Highway. February brings the promise of slightly brighter days. February is popular mostly because it features Valentine’s Day a chance to celebrate love, renew vows and declare our undying devotion to those partners who have been in our lives for many years loving us persistently and consistently. For just as many though Valentine’s Day can be a cause for misery and distress. Perhaps their marriage has recently ended or a long term partnership is sagging in the winds of time or maybe you just have not met that special someone yet, and are wondering if you ever will. If you are part of the latter group there is hope, don’t give up!
The greatest cure all for a lack of joy and abundance in your love life can be remedied by the sister of love, Forgiveness. Forgiveness has the power to heal your life in more ways than you can imagine. Without forgiveness the flow of love is interrupted and when love stops moving, pretty soon everything stagnates, leaving you feeling low depressed and disheartened. With this in mind it seemed natural to introduce Forgiveness February as part of the healing you can introduce into your life to make this year not just different to the one before, but also better. If you are really willing to pull the stops out and create positive change in your life, you might even find that this is the year you rediscover bliss. Everyone deserves bliss and it is possible to achieve it with a shift in perspective.
It is empowering when you reach a place of offering genuine compassion to those who have wronged you. If you allow anger towards another to fester, it will end up eating away at you and taking the shine out of your potential to experience real joy in your life. When you are angry with another person, it does not harm them, it causes the greatest harm to you. Forgiving someone who has wronged you does not mean that you have to condone what they have done to you. It does give you peace, and there are only a few things in life that can give you that kind of true, lasting peace.
Forgiveness simply means accepting the other person as they are. Forgiveness means that you are not judging the other person, that you are non-judgemental. Why is this important? How you judge others is how you judge yourself, when this compassion to others is missing it means that you are unable to be compassionate towards yourself and that inevitably causes you to suffer. Traditionally we think that forgiveness means you know that the other person has done wrong and you decide to forgive them. First you judge and then you forgive. This approach essentially makes the forgiveness false. The truth is that real forgiveness has no judgement. Real forgiveness simply accepts the other person as they are. There is no complaint, no grumbling, there is no anger. Now, you may or may not agree with this idea, that is your prerogative. However, if it is your intention to experience joy in your life, to free yourself of negative emotional entanglements, then this is the only course of action that will get you there. It is human to make mistakes and it is human to forgive. The struggle for many people starts when they assume otherwise. A person experiences a certain richness in their life when they can learn to enjoy forgiveness, when they can learn to ask for an apology or even better when an apology can be humbly given without asking for it. “I am sorry, I was wrong’” is a powerful statement for the giver and the receiver.
Love knows how to forgive. It is not only important to know how to forgive others it is just as important to forgive oneself too! So many people struggle in their lives every day because they really struggle to forgive themselves. We are constantly taught to judge ourselves, often quite harshly. We are taught to feel guilty. Guilt is a terrible burden for anyone to carry. Guilt has the power to rob us of all joy and will eventually lead to all manner of ills, some conscious, many unconscious, whether that is a loss of wealth, the loss of a relationship, the loss of being at peace with oneself or even physical ailments, chronic disease and depression.
So, Forgiveness February comes with the impetus to create change, a chance to heal the past by forgiving others and more importantly to forgive yourself. From here there is the chance for great love to arise, forgiveness of oneself enhances your capacity to love yourself. Self love is important for the simple reason that love grows and improves everything. Self love allows the seeds of new beginnings to take root, flourish and grow. The dis-ease of pain and suffering, addictions and unhealthy dependency is no longer part of your life, they become irrelevant because you simply do not have a want or need for them. Over-eating, alcohol abuse, recreational drug use, low self worth and a poverty or victim mentality lose their appeal. There is simply no room for that kind of thinking in a person that loves themselves. And amazingly you actually become more interesting, loveable and a joy to be around. So you see compassion to self, forgiveness of self, love of self is the path to living a happier healthier, successful life.
If you are interested in improving your life and are not quite sure where to start, if you are struggling with weight issues, stressed out, struggling financially or experiencing difficulties in your relationships then there is a way to start to address those issues at their foundation and bring your whole life into balance. Life Therapy with Zita takes a unique approach, one that assures success if success is what you really want. It is a much more enjoyable way to live your life when you experience good health, wealth and peace of mind. Happiness creates more happiness…
So now that you are done with the old fashioned, inadequate and inefficient method of making resolutions, why not try something different. After all insanity is doing the same thing year in year out and expecting a different outcome. Let Forgiveness February be the month you really truly fall in love. Fall in love with yourself. Forgive yourself, heal yourself and see how wonderful life can really be. Life is supposed to fun, it is supposed to be amazing and beautiful. It is up to you, if you want that kind of life LifeTherapy can support you in creating that change. For more information call or email. Contact
You are worth it, even if you don’t yet believe it!
#forgivenessfebruary spread the word spread the love.
To book an appointment or just ask a question call me! 07709046643 or WhatsApp me.
We live in a culture that tells us that there is never enough. That we are not enough; that we are not good enough, thin enough, beautiful enough, rich enough, that we can never be safe enough, perfect enough, certain enough; that there is never enough time, energy, money, food, love, creative ideas and so on. I grew up with this message as did most of us. Our minds were imprinted with this message. This message is like a slow debilitating illness that gradually eats away at every area of your daily life and erodes your passion for life. Whether you are male of female, child or adult there is a persistent gnawing sense that you are simply not enough and that there is just not enough in life for you.
Everyday our senses are bombarded with messages of scarcity rather than abundance. How often do you hear yourself say “I don’t have enough time.”? Scarcity of time. “I am stressed because there is so much to do but just not enough time”. More scarcity. How many times do you self chastise, criticise and judge. The message being another one of scarcity. “I am not enough” “S/he is not enough” “it’s not enough”. And on it goes day-in-day out ad infinitum.
Our culture strokes and rewards busyness, and programs you to numb your real feelings of vulnerability. “I’m so busy!” in our culture translates into productivity, importance, carrying one’s weight, and the “right” to be here. The truth is busy people are lost, like a child in a supermarket desperately looking for Mommy to take them Home. If you take a minute to stop and think about it, what are your internal messages about work and productivity? Many people carry an internal message that they are often not even conscious of. They actually believe that productivity is connected to value and worth. The more productive I am, the more value and worth I have. Not only do many people carry this message themselves they then pass this belief system on to their children. It’s a pity.
There is a payoff that comes with compulsive busyness. Being busy keeps you distracted from the truth of your life. The truths you probably don’t want to look at. To a certain extent everyone has truths they don’t want to look at. It’s the product of being a fallible human living in a world with other fallible humans.
What are the consequences of avoiding those uncomfortable truths and numbing your vulnerability? Well, one thing is for sure it is not possible to only numb the unwanted emotions. If we numb the unpleasant, we also numb the joy, the love, the passion, etc. Personally, I would rather be vulnerable. I want to feel it all truthfully, honestly in each and every moment of my life, to live with integrity, it is the reason why I am here on earth in human form. I was born to feel. The more I feel the more I experience and I am duly rewarded with more and abundance is more. A tree does not grow to provide you with shade from the sun, a tree grows because it is a tree, you are the beneficiary of its growth. If it is cut down you are the beneficiary of its wood. Our culture wants us to believe that vulnerability is weakness. Vulnerability is at the core of fear, shame, anxiety and the difficult emotions that we all experience. Thankfully, vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, love, belonging, and creativity. Amazing! When we surrender to vulnerability, simply allow it, familiarise ourselves with it we get more, more of the great the good and the wonderful, our relationships are beautifully enhanced, we find extraordinary ways to surmount the seemingly impossible, our joy attracts more joy, our fears are brought to light where they can no longer control us, most importantly we come to accept ourselves exactly as we are, which is a beautiful thing because you really are quite wonderful. And when you are able to recognise how wonderful you truly are then incredible things start to happen in your life. And a wonderful you can create wonders in your world. The Abundance Principle is quite simple, it focuses on what is, that you are already enough, that life is already enough and with this focus more is created naturally and with ease.
For more about the Abundance Principle and how it can support you in your life book a Life Therapy session. Sometimes, you just need to fully understand why there is nothing wrong with you. Like I said Life Therapy is unique and it is unique for this reason, I work from the understanding that you are already amazing you just picked up some thinking patterns that do not serve you well. Together we can change that. Hypnotherapy is a great way to get your thinking on the right track for you.
To book a session please call Zita 07709046643
If you were abused as a child, so many of your thought patterns and beliefs centre around what happened to you. If you were a child who was terribly mistreated and you don’t know what it is called, but you knew that it was not okay, and you wished that you could tell someone, but you did not think that anyone would listen; that forms your beliefs about yourself. You learnt to endure things a child should not have to endure, and so you adjust to it, often in unusual ways, you learnt to cope, to survive. You were powerless to change the situation, so your mind hardened and became cruel to itself in an attempt to toughen up.
You thought that people must have known what was happening to you, because to you it felt like you were screaming, crying out for help or salvation. You were so consumed by it and drowning in it that it was hard to understand that people could not actually see that and come to your rescue. When those people didn’t do anything, you started to realise that no one was coming to save you. The world seemed cold and cruel.
So you started telling yourself to toughen up and get over it. Even after the abuse has ended you are still telling yourself that you deserved it, that it wasn’t that bad, that you don’t get to call it abuse especially if it was a close family member who also told you that they loved you. You don’t get to fall apart, because no one’s coming to save you, remember?
And in those memories, you are always staring at the abuser. Think about it. You are always seeing them, you are always seeing the people who didn’t notice. You are always seeing the people who possibly noticed but said nothing. You never think of turning and looking at yourself.
Freeze the moment. Can you see yourself? Do you remember how long your hair was at the time? How tall were you? What were you doing with your hands? What was your expression? Can you see the look you had in your eyes? These moments build up into the whole world feeling frozen over, but can you just look at what it is? There is a child in front of you, that child is you and they are not okay. All of those things you still say to yourself, that it wasn’t abuse, that it didn’t matter, that it was just life, that you have to get over it, can you say that to the child?
The world does seem impossibly cruel sometimes. That feeling still comes up. But there is some guaranteed compassion available to you at every moment. Your own. At every memory and every pain, you have the option of sitting next to that child and hugging them and telling them they don’t deserve any of this. It felt necessary to scold and berate yourself because in that environment it was necessary to be tough. You are allowed to be kind now.
That child has been waiting ages for some kindness, give it to them. Hug yourself, love yourself, soothe and nurture yourself and most importantly tell yourself that you are safe now.
If you experienced any kind of abuse as a child and are still suffering from the effects Life Therapy with Zita offers a safe, gentle, compassionate environment for you to start healing the past and it’s painful memories. That child in you deserves to be loved and treated with kindness and compassion. You can tell the child that.
To book an appointment call Zita: 07709046643
Everything about it was perfect and it healed me all the way to the core. There are no words for what I feel because of this. I will carry these memories in my heart forever. Can’t wait to share it with my new family.
- Francesca Federici