Lessons from the Iroquois

“In Iroquois society, leaders are encouraged to remember seven generations in the past and consider seven generations in the future when making decisions that affect the people.”

– Wilma Mankiller First Woman Chief of the Cherokee Nation.

Where does change begin?

” I would change nothing in my life if it meant not being here now.”

When such words are spoken with integrity that can only come with stating a very personal truth, when there is no falter in speech, no withdrawing or hesitancy, the implication is that we have arrived at a place of peace and acceptance. The suggestion being that we now understand how every trauma we have suffered in our lives has played its role in bringing us to full self-acknowledgment.

A fully acknowledged self is not only achievable but is a rich and rewarding way to experience one’s life. We are able to joyfully accept and harmonise all of who we are in the most productive way. More and more people are achieving it as they understand that being happy is an achievable goal, it may not come in the form of a life hack or a ten point bulletin marketing joust, it’s so much more than that kind of clap happy happy. In truth, it is a more disciplined and concerted effort to reach one’s full potential. It is not a life goal for the lazy or faint of heart, but it is definitely an experience none who come to it ever regret.

And so such profound words resonate when we realise that life has damaged no part of our true nature, and that despite all the apparent suffering and obstacles, we have come to remember who we are, why we are here, and what we are supposed to be doing.

Closing Cycles

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.

You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.

Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.

Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.

Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.

Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.

Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.

This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

2015: closing cycles

How our past lives in our present.

“You live through that little piece of time that is yours, but that piece of time is not only your life, it is the summing-up of all the other lives that are simultaneous with yours… What you are is an expression of history.”

– Robert Penn Warren, World Enough and Time

You are more than just an individual. You are part of a family, a culture and a time. This history has an enormous influence on how you act and how you relate to the world in which you live. Quite often the way in which you relate to the world and how that is then expressed through your nature is suppressed by the way you have been conditioned to think in order to belong to your family of origin; such conditioned thinking is inherited from the past, as opposed to being true to your intrinsic nature or serving your best interests in the present.

Through his work with thousands of family systems, Bert Hellinger has found what he describes as a natural order of love which is deeply embedded in the family history and memory. There is a conscience unique to each family that in an invisible and unconscious way for its members is passed from one generation to the next, and which conditions the behaviour and mode of survival of each of the individuals of that family. What one generation leaves unresolved is taken on by members of succeeding generations, in an innocent and unconscious effort to re-establish balance. This can often lead us to assume behaviours and challenges which do not belong to us and in fact create more disorder instead of less. We often bring this disorder with us to our couple relationships for example, but many other areas are affected also. Issues for example around work, depression, finances, difficulties with children, and relationships with parents and siblings.

There is very little written about the work of systemic family constellations, for the simple reason that it detracts from the liveliness of the work; there are no absolute truths to be found in its theory without context, as each life situation is different, unique even. With regards to relationships in particular, it is understood that a balance needs to exist between give and take; much like breathing one can only breathe in as much as one can breathe out, the nature of life demands that a balance be sought and sustained between opposing forces. In the following clip from youtube one can see a demonstration of Bert Hellinger working with a couple. The simplicity of the approach is apparent, so too the peaceful resolution to the issue reached. It is a fine example of restoring the balance of give and take, first in the relationship with mother and then in the couple’s relationship. One is reminded of the power of gratitude to resolve seemingly intractable relationship issues.

You can watch the clip here. Gratitude

Our hidden loyalty to our family system can even be expressed through the body in a wide range of illnesses that have at their core a systemic root. Alcoholism, panic attacks and epilepsy all have systemic components to their origin. Life Therapy, through the lens of family constellations, is an honest yet humble way of looking at the systemic causes of repetitive suffering.

As such Life Therapy offers the opportunity for a shift to occur as a new image – perception of the family is revealed that supports a more balanced and healthy family system, a paradox that by coming closer to your family in one sense and recognising your unique place in the overall  system there is suddenly a space and, often for the first time, a sense of liberation that enables you to move beyond the parameters of the family dynamic.

“When the family has been brought into its natural order, the individual can leave it behind him while still feeling the strength of his family supporting him. Only when the connection to his family is acknowledged, and the person’s responsibility seen clearly and then distributed, can the individual feel unburdened and go about his personal affairs without anything from the past weighing him down or holding him back”

– Bert Hellinger 

Inheritance.

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When we’re still young, many of us are determined to be different from our parents. We say we’ll never make our children suffer. But when we grow up we tend to behave just like our parents, and we make others suffer because, like our ancestors, we don’t know how to handle the energies we’ve inherited. We’ve received many positive and negative seeds from our parents and ancestors. They transmitted their habit to us because they didn’t know how to transform it.

– Thich Nhat Hanh

Accept yourself.

Most of the time the things you need will conflict – you will want love and you will also yearn for independence; you will want stability and you will dream of adventure; you will want one person and you will also want the world. Do not resist this, do not apologize for it, do not try to fix it.

Accept your own complexity, your own conflicts and uncertainties. Accept that you are a being, a live, wild thing that keeps on growing and changing. Accept that you are many things, and then love yourself for it. Nurture your many needs. It is not selfish, it is caring.

It is the greatest act of love to accept yourself exactly as you are.

If accepting yourself is holding you back in life then Life Therapy with Zita offers wonderful ways to support you in living your true potential. Make your heart happy today with some heart centred healing.

Burning Man 2015

One of the most powerful art pieces at Burning Man this year: The sculpture of two adults fighting, back to one another… yet the inner child in them both just want to connect and love one another. Age has so many beautiful gifts , but one that I could live without is the pride and resentment we hold onto when we are in conflict with others. The forgiving, open and free spirit of children IS OUR TRUE NATURE ;  And I know I’ll be remembering this next time I ‘m feeling stubborn. ” ~Alexi Panos.

Transgenerational Healing

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As more and more awareness of transgenerational trauma is coming to light, children and grandchildren of holocaust survivors are taking steps to heal the wounds of their ancestors’ past.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/aug/03/holocaust-survivors-grandchildren-inherited-trauma

If you are a descendent of holocaust survivors, Life Therapy with Zita offers a unique and all encompassing opportunity to heal the wounds of the past, such that the trauma might stop with you.

Real generosity towards the future, lies with giving all to the present. – Albert Camus

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For more information call or email to book an appointment now.

Before you.

“Before we were conceived, we existed in part as an egg in our mother’s ovary. All the eggs a woman will every carry form in her ovaries while she is a four month old fetus in the womb of her mother. This means our cellular life as an egg begins in the womb of our grandmother. Each of us spent five months in our grandmother’s womb and she in turn formed within the womb of her grandmother. We vibrate to the rhythms of our mother’s blood before she herself is born. And this pulse is the thread of blood that runs all the way back through the grandmothers to the first mother.”

Layne Redmond

How to be Amazing!

Low self-esteem is sadly far more common than we often realise. It is the main reason why so many people struggle to accept that they are already amazing. They just don’t really believe it. Everyday I see clients for whom low self esteem lies at the root of their troubles. I am not saying that your life will ever be trouble free, however, there is a difference in how one can manage life’s challenges when they occur. Low self esteem affects people from all walks of life, in fact some of the most successful people in entertainment, business, politics and highly skilled professionals are affected by it. Although self esteem is not a condition in and of itself, if it goes unchecked it can lead to more serious problems that can have a detrimental effect on the quality of your life and a negative impact on your relationships. Anxiety, Depression, Bi-Polar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorders, Paranoia, excessive Alcohol and Drug use are just a few of the more serious side effects of low self esteem left unchecked.

The Life Therapy approach to healing offers a simple and highly effective remedy to address low self esteem; which can often be an inherited pattern of behaviour that has been in your family for generations. When we are caught up in a trans-generational cycle of behaviour not only is recognising it difficult, it is also harder to leave it behind as we are all immensely loyal to our family of origin. So many people struggle to do better than their parents did. Even if they seemingly have a better quality of life superficially, they will struggle to be happier emotionally and spiritually.

In just one Life Therapy session a dramatic shift in self perception can occur, the relief is palpable and rewarding.  Your life is supposed to be a fun and joyful experience. If you struggle with low self esteem it may be hard for you to believe that you do deserve to live a wonderful life simply because it will be hard for you to see how your perception of yourself is interfering with the quality of your life.

To believe that you are amazing is not a sign of arrogance it is a very healthy sign of genuine humility.

Symptoms of low self esteem.

Below is a list of symptoms that are commonly found amongst people who are affected by low self esteem. If you are affected by one or more of these symptoms please feel free to contact me. I am here to support you.

1. Social withdrawal

2. Anxiety and emotional turmoil

3. Lack of social skills and self confidence,

4. Depression and bouts of sadness

5. Issues with social conformity

6. Eating disorders

7. Inability to accept compliments

8. An inability to see yourself “impartially” – to be fair to yourself

9. Accentuating the negative

10. Exaggerated concern over what you think other people think

11. Self neglect

12. Treating yourself badly, but not other people

13. Reluctance to take on challenges

14. Reluctance to put yourself first – or anywhere

15. Reluctance to trust your own opinion and or express it

16. Expecting little out of life for yourself

How to be Amazing: The Basics.

Here are a few really simple and effective tips to get the ball rolling and get your self esteem climbing up the charts.

  1. Make a list of 25 things you like about yourself. Keep going 50 is the healthy target you want to reach.
  2. Make a list of 5 of your unique qualities.
  3. Make a list of the people you admire the most and the qualities you like in them. We see in other people qualities we either posses already or that are waiting to be explored and developed within us.
  4. Spring clean the people you spend time with. Socialising is good, it creates a sense of belonging, belonging helps us feel more confident and secure, however who or what you choose to belong to will have an impact on the quality of your life. Spend time with people who are happy and confident. Confidence is contagious. You will also find that confident people are more inclined to do things that support maintaining great self esteem and valuing themselves and they are happy to share love and joy with others.
  5. Make time to do the things you love.
  6. Practise kindness and compassion. When you are kind to others and seek to find the best in them it will automatically make you feel better about yourself.
  7. Practise self-hypnosis, create images in your mind of a version of yourself that you love, that makes you smile and feel good. This is the most powerful one of all. Practise this one everyday until it becomes your reality.
  8. Wake up. Be Amazing. Go to Sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat.

If you would like to book a session to learn self-hypnosis please contact me.