When the voice of power has the face of a child.

May 3, 2019

When I am coaching a client I am often working with their family system. It is not unusual to find we touch on a place where an impasse has occurred. An impasse or a feeling of being stuck happens when the voice of their inner child holds the power.

When enough is not enough.
An adult may find themselves locked in a struggle from their childhood with one or more family members, usually a parent. The voice of the child may sound a bit like this: “If my Daddy had been around more when I was growing up then, xxxx would be different now.” “If my Mummy had paid as much attention to me as she did to my little sister, then we would most likely have a better relationship.” “If I had just been taught how to get ahead in life then I would probably have been promoted by now.”

The power of resistance.
These are just some of the ways our inner child can create resistance to receiving in our adult life. This can show up in a number of different ways where it feels like life seems to consistently let us down. A fine example is a resistance to Coaching which would end the stalemate and allow us to feel better. Or feeling that we must be the ones who sacrifice themselves and do it all. Because the voice of our inner child asks for things from a disempowered place it becomes difficult for the adult part to receive the support that would enable them to feel powerful. This is neither a good or bad thing it is just the nature of how a child is.

A child cannot provide the basics of what it needs without help. And so it has to ask for help from others and then wait for it to happen. And then the child’s only hope is to wait for someone to respond to them in the way that they want, then the ability to see the reality of the resources available and take them feels stifled.

The Movement.
The story looks rather different from the perspective of the adult. The adult can find the resources it needs to give them acknowledgement, support, money and of course unconditional love outside of their parents or guardians. The adult has the courage to just reach out and take what it wants and needs.

When I see that my client is waiting to receive something from the parent, whether that is acknowledgement, space, an apology, money, unconditional love or something else, the content of the request may differ but the core plea goes back to the same place, the inner child: “if only Mummy or Daddy were different, then things would be better.” Then my role is to support the client through the movement of reaching out and receiving. Sometimes this is done through a simple and effective floor mapping exercise, sometimes it is done through visualising, either way, as we experience it in our mind and heart new neural pathways are created and the change is experienced in real life. It is simple yet incredibly deep and powerful, most significantly because the relief is palpable.

Beyond the impasse.
It is a terribly difficult place for an adult to find themselves caught in these impasses yet it is very common, in many instances it becomes an accepted way of living one’s entire life. When I work with this kind of being stuck, I look for opportunities where the client can find acceptance, a making of peace with the past as it was. Genuine acceptance heals, it brings a peaceful resolution. And that resolution may look completely different for each person.

Often times we experience acceptance as a warm, cozy glow that sweeps across our body and looks like forgiveness. Sometimes it looks like pulling away. Even then it is just as beautiful. Stepping back can be one of the most empowering acts of a person’s life. Because in essence what is being said is: “I no longer need to get this from you, because I know I can find it for myself.” We restore a certain order and system of life respects the order that comes from acceptance.

If you are struggling to feel empowered then book a session with me here now. 

If you are a female lawyer join us on a retreat in Spain this summer, June 2019. We will be doing some beautiful inner child work to support your wellbeing and career. If you would like to join us then book your place here today.