The Bonds of Love.

“Enlightenment is intimacy with what is” Zita

Every single day all over the world parents teach their children the rules of the game. They teach their children how to conform, how to fit in. They teach their children the rules of their tribe. Parents teach their children that to be loved and belong; “this is how ‘we’ behave”, “this is how ‘we’ think”.

Children, for even as an adult you remain the child of your parents, are extremely loyal in love to their family, especially their parents. Even those who say they live completely different lives to their parents, the patterns will remain the same. Children will get sick for their parents, children will even die for their parents so deep is the love and the bond. People follow their parents because to not do so would threaten their existence, they have been taught to believe by inference that they will be excluded or are unlikely to survive if they stray too far from the family fold. Quite often you will hear someone say words to the effect of; “All my family vote Labour so I vote Labour.” “All my family are professionals so I became a Lawyer.” “My Mother and my Grandmother always cooked the Turkey this way.” and so on. Parents judge their children to be ‘good’ when they follow the family code. In fact for the vast majority of people breaking the family code would be experienced as a profound emotional and psychological trauma. We often witness this when marriages irretrievably breakdown and the strain of following the partner’s family beliefs and traditions is just too difficult to adjust to. And so partners are blamed for not loving you the way you are familiar and comfortable with. Every day you demand of others that they break these profound bonds of love to satisfy your own wants, desires, needs and judgments whilst refusing to give up your own.

Imagine, if you will, that for a person who is following a family tradition where men are expected to take a back seat in the affairs of the household, or a woman who experienced her father as absent, it will be quite a challenge for this woman to adjust her perception of a household and family that runs against a said truth as she has learnt and experienced it. Imagine a man who was sent away to boarding school at a very young age, or who was raised by a father who taught him that working long hours was the honourable way to earn a respectable income to support his family and teach his children a sound work ethic, that his natural reaction would be to work endless hours or remain detached from the family he creates. Whatever the differences may be they remain powerful bonds to which we are all tied.

Marriage in and of itself requires a great deal of maturity, a willingness to surrender part of your connection to your roots in order to establish new ties, create new bonds in the branches of an extended family tree as two different family systems blend and unite. If each partner can willingly let go of some of their family of origin ties to support the new, then we see a strength in the bond that can sustain a marriage and the demands it makes of each everyday. If you yourself can bring yourself to the level of understanding of how it would feel to dishonour your parents, your family, your tribe then perhaps you yourself have already taken a step closer to understanding what is required to really empathise with the other. If you expect or demand that your partner give up these invisible bonds of love and attachment they have to their family of origin the more vehemently they will fight to defend them. The only judgement you have over whether it is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ principally coming from what your parents have taught you. Mothers have the greatest influence over children and it is the same love you were unconsciously seeking when you chose your partner. The rejection of a partner is not just the rejection of the love you received from your Mother it is also intrinsically a rejection of yourself. This is why love is so painful. That which remains unresolved with your mother is carried over to be resolved with your partner, husband or wife. You are no different from your partner who loves their family with all their heart and who fears being excluded if they stray.

We have become so fixated on looking at life from a superficial perspective, making judgements based on early conditioning that we never really consider that behind much that we deem to be ‘bad’ ‘wrong’ in the other is actually a hidden loyalty of great love for that which they came from. You can’t change your life and your world from a place of judgement, blame and hypocrisy. You can only change it from a place of understanding, forgiveness, compassion and a willingness to change yourself first. As you change, your world changes with you. If it comes to a point that it is not possible to continue your life with your partner, the very least you can do is honour the love that existed between you. Acknowledge with love the seeming differences between you and graciously, gracefully move on.

When Ms. Paltrow and Mr. Martin announced their ‘conscious uncoupling’ much mockery was made of the idea, an indication of the prevailing attitude that separation and divorce is naturally about conflict and a lack of compassion for our soon to be ex-love. The truth is, there is no off ramp in love for if there was you were never really in love in the first place. A rather sobering thought if you think about it… particularly if there are children involved. The damaged caused by such an immature notion is profound, incomprehensible and essentially rather cruel. There is no need to stamp out every ember of love to justify a decision to change. One or both of you has made a choice, accept what is and be kind about it.

When peaceful resolutions are not reached the negative fall out reaches far beyond court judgements and legal documents, they stay with you, carry over into the next relationship and have a profoundly negative impact on the generations that follow. Children are loyal to their parents after all.

If it is your heartfelt intention to live a happy, peaceful, joyful life then it is worth considering gaining a new perspective, a kind and loving perspective, a perspective that is for the greater good of all.

To bring love and harmony into your life such that you might prosper, book an appointment now. Call Zita on 07709046643 My door is open to the willing.

When Silence Speaks

“Don’t just do something, sit there, in silence.” Zita

In an art show called “The Artist Is Present,” Marina Abramović sat in the museum’s atrium for 700 hours (6 days a week for 7 hours a day) inviting the crowds of viewers to sit directly opposite her in silent dialogue.

The video below shows Abramović, sitting and waiting for her next silent interlocutor. At the end, Ulay who was her lover and collaborator for 12 years when they were young, approaches and takes a seat. Until that moment they had neither seen or spoken to each other in over 20 years. Marina Abramović looks up to what was probably the most unexpected sight of the night. Their reunion touchingly reminds us that we do not always need words to speak and communicate our most sincere feelings.

We live in a world of rapid, constant communication and input where our attention is always pulled somewhere else and we experience a seemingly endless cascade of thoughts swimming in our head.

What happens when we stop to listen to what is spoken in silence?

The Systemic Approach

A lovely explanation of the Systemic Approach by Rupert Sheldrake a leading British biologist.[youtube=]

You are you

You are you. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like you. Everything that comes out of you is authentically yours, because you alone chose it. You own everything about you: your body, your feelings, your mouth, your voice, all of your actions, whether they be to others or yourself. You own your fantasies, your dreams, your hopes, your fears. You own your triumphs and successes, all your failures and mistakes. Because you own all of you. You can become intimately acquainted with you. By doing so, you can love yourself and be friendly with all your parts. You know there are aspects about yourself that puzzle you, and other aspects that you do not know, but as long as you are friendly and loving towards yourself, you can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about who you are. However you look and sound, whatever you say and do, and whatever you think and feel at any given moment in time is authentically you. If later some parts of how you looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, you can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which you discarded. You can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. You have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of you. You own you, and therefore, You can engineer you. You are you, and You are Okay.

Forgiveness February

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi

February is here! A collective sigh of relief as New Years resolutions have been left along Give Up Highway. February brings the promise of slightly brighter days. February is popular mostly because it features Valentine’s Day a chance to celebrate love, renew vows and declare our undying devotion to those partners who have been in our lives for many years loving us persistently and consistently. For just as many though Valentine’s Day can be a cause for misery and distress. Perhaps their marriage has recently ended or a long term partnership is sagging in the winds of time or maybe you just have not met that special someone yet, and are wondering if you ever will. If you are part of the latter group there is hope, don’t give up!

The greatest cure all for a lack of joy and abundance in your love life can be remedied by the sister of love, Forgiveness. Forgiveness has the power to heal your life in more ways than you can imagine. Without forgiveness the flow of love is interrupted and when love stops moving, pretty soon everything stagnates, leaving you feeling low depressed and disheartened. With this in mind it seemed natural to introduce Forgiveness February as part of the healing you can introduce into your life to make this year not just different to the one before, but also better. If you are really willing to pull the stops out and create positive change in your life, you might even find that this is the year you rediscover bliss. Everyone deserves bliss and it is possible to achieve it with a shift in perspective.

It is empowering when you reach a place of offering genuine compassion to those who have wronged you. If you allow anger towards another to fester, it will end up eating away at you and taking the shine out of your potential to experience real joy in your life. When you are angry with another person, it does not harm them, it causes the greatest harm to you. Forgiving someone who has wronged you does not mean that you have to condone what they have done to you. It does give you peace, and there are only a few things in life that can give you that kind of true, lasting peace.

Forgiveness simply means accepting the other person as they are. Forgiveness means that you are not judging the other person, that you are non-judgemental. Why is this important? How you judge others is how you judge yourself, when this compassion to others is missing it means that you are unable to be compassionate towards yourself and that inevitably causes you to suffer. Traditionally we think that forgiveness means you know that the other person has done wrong and you decide to forgive them. First you judge and then you forgive. This approach essentially makes the forgiveness false. The truth is that real forgiveness has no judgement. Real forgiveness simply accepts the other person as they are. There is no complaint, no grumbling, there is no anger. Now, you may or may not agree with this idea, that is your prerogative. However, if it is your intention to experience joy in your life, to free yourself of negative emotional entanglements, then this is the only course of action that will get you there. It is human to make mistakes and it is human to forgive. The struggle for many people starts when they assume otherwise. A person experiences a certain richness in their life when they can learn to enjoy forgiveness, when they can learn to ask for an apology or even better when an apology can be humbly given without asking for it. “I am sorry, I was wrong’” is a powerful statement for the giver and the receiver.

Love knows how to forgive. It is not only important to know how to forgive others it is just as important to forgive oneself too! So many people struggle in their lives every day because they really struggle to forgive themselves. We are constantly taught to judge ourselves, often quite harshly. We are taught to feel guilty. Guilt is a terrible burden for anyone to carry. Guilt has the power to rob us of all joy and will eventually lead to all manner of ills, some conscious, many unconscious, whether that is a loss of wealth, the loss of a relationship, the loss of being at peace with oneself or even physical ailments, chronic disease and depression.

So, Forgiveness February comes with the impetus to create change, a chance to heal the past by forgiving others and more importantly to forgive yourself. From here there is the chance for great love to arise, forgiveness of oneself enhances your capacity to love yourself. Self love is important for the simple reason that love grows and improves everything. Self love allows the seeds of new beginnings to take root, flourish and grow. The dis-ease of pain and suffering, addictions and unhealthy dependency is no longer part of your life, they become irrelevant because you simply do not have a want or need for them. Over-eating, alcohol abuse, recreational drug use, low self worth and a poverty or victim mentality lose their appeal. There is simply no room for that kind of thinking in a person that loves themselves. And amazingly you actually become more interesting, loveable and a joy to be around. So you see compassion to self, forgiveness of self, love of self is the path to living a happier healthier, successful life.

If you are interested in improving your life and are not quite sure where to start, if you are struggling with weight issues, stressed out, struggling financially or experiencing difficulties in your relationships then there is a way to start to address those issues at their foundation and bring your whole life into balance. Life Therapy with Zita takes a unique approach, one that assures success if success is what you really want. It is a much more enjoyable way to live your life when you experience good health, wealth and peace of mind. Happiness creates more happiness…

So now that you are done with the old fashioned, inadequate and inefficient method of making resolutions, why not try something different. After all insanity is doing the same thing year in year out and expecting a different outcome. Let Forgiveness February be the month you really truly fall in love. Fall in love with yourself. Forgive yourself, heal yourself and see how wonderful life can really be. Life is supposed to fun, it is supposed to be amazing and beautiful. It is up to you, if you want that kind of life LifeTherapy can support you in creating that change. For more information call or email.  Contact

You are worth it, even if you don’t yet believe it!

#forgivenessfebruary spread the word spread the love.

To book an appointment or just ask a question call me! 07709046643  or WhatsApp me.

The Abundance Principle

We live in a culture that tells us that there is never enough. That we are not enough; that we are not good enough, thin enough, beautiful enough, rich enough, that we can never be safe enough, perfect enough, certain enough; that there is never enough time, energy, money, food, love, creative ideas and so on. I grew up with this message as did most of us. Our minds were imprinted with this message. This message is like a slow debilitating illness that gradually eats away at every area of your daily life and erodes your passion for life. Whether you are male of female, child or adult there is a persistent gnawing sense that you are simply not enough and that there is just not enough in life for you.

Everyday our senses are bombarded with messages of scarcity rather than abundance. How often do you hear yourself say “I don’t have enough time.”?  Scarcity of time. “I am stressed because there is so much to do but just not enough time”. More scarcity. How many times do you self chastise, criticise and judge. The message being another one of scarcity. “I am not enough” “S/he is not enough” “it’s not enough”. And on it goes day-in-day out ad infinitum.

Our culture strokes and rewards busyness, and programs you to numb your real feelings of vulnerability. “I’m so busy!” in our culture translates into productivity, importance, carrying one’s weight, and the “right” to be here. The truth is busy people are lost, like a child in a supermarket desperately looking for Mommy to take them Home. If you take a minute to stop and think about it, what are your internal messages about work and productivity? Many people carry an internal message that they are often not even conscious of. They actually believe that productivity is connected to value and worth. The more productive I am, the more value and worth I have. Not only do many people carry this message themselves they then pass this belief system on to their children. It’s a pity.

There is a payoff that comes with compulsive busyness. Being busy keeps you distracted from the truth of your life. The truths you probably don’t want to look at. To a certain extent everyone has truths they don’t want to look at. It’s the product of being a fallible human living in a world with other fallible humans. 

What are the consequences of avoiding those uncomfortable truths and numbing your vulnerability? Well, one thing is for sure it is not possible to only numb the unwanted emotions. If we numb the unpleasant, we also numb the joy, the love, the passion, etc. Personally, I would rather be vulnerable. I want to feel it all truthfully, honestly in each and every moment of my life, to live with integrity, it is the reason why I am here on earth in human form. I was born to feel. The more I feel the more I experience and I am duly rewarded with more and abundance is more. A tree does not grow to provide you with shade from the sun, a tree grows because it is a tree, you are the beneficiary of its growth. If it is cut down you are the beneficiary of its wood. Our culture wants us to believe that vulnerability is weakness. Vulnerability is at the core of fear, shame, anxiety and the difficult emotions that we all experience. Thankfully, vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, love, belonging, and creativity. Amazing! When we surrender to vulnerability, simply allow it, familiarise ourselves with it we get more, more of the great the good and the wonderful, our relationships are beautifully enhanced, we find extraordinary ways to surmount the seemingly impossible, our joy attracts more joy, our fears are brought to light where they can no longer control us, most importantly we come to accept ourselves exactly as we are, which is a beautiful thing because you really are quite wonderful. And when you are able to recognise how wonderful you truly are then incredible things start to happen in your life. And a wonderful you can create wonders in your world. The Abundance Principle is quite simple, it focuses on what is, that you are already enough, that life is already enough and with this focus more is created naturally and with ease.

For more about the Abundance Principle and how it can support you in your life book a Life Therapy session. Sometimes, you just need to fully understand why there is nothing wrong with you. Like I said Life Therapy is unique and it is unique for this reason, I work from the understanding that you are already amazing you just picked up some thinking patterns that do not serve you well. Together we can change that. Hypnotherapy is a great way to get your thinking on the right track for you.

To book a session please call Zita 07709046643

Child Abuse

If you were abused as a child, so many of your thought patterns and beliefs centre around what happened to you. If you were a child who was terribly mistreated and you don’t know what it is called, but you knew that it was not okay, and you wished that you could tell someone, but you did not think that anyone would listen; that forms your beliefs about yourself. You learnt to endure things a child should not have to endure, and so you adjust to it, often in unusual ways, you learnt to cope, to survive. You were powerless to change the situation, so your mind hardened and became cruel to itself in an attempt to toughen up.

You thought that people must have known what was happening to you, because to you it felt like you were screaming, crying out for help or salvation. You were so consumed by it and drowning in it that it was hard to understand that people could not actually see that and come to your rescue. When those people didn’t do anything, you started to realise that no one was coming to save you. The world seemed cold and cruel.

So you started telling yourself to toughen up and get over it. Even after the abuse has ended you are still telling yourself that you deserved it, that it wasn’t that bad, that you don’t get to call it abuse especially if it was a close family member who also told you that they loved you. You don’t get to fall apart, because no one’s coming to save you, remember? 

And in those memories, you are always staring at the abuser. Think about it. You are always seeing them, you are always seeing the people who didn’t notice. You are always seeing the people who possibly noticed but said nothing. You never think of turning and looking at yourself.

Freeze the moment. Can you see yourself? Do you remember how long your hair was at the time? How tall were you? What were you doing with your hands? What was your expression? Can you see the look you had in your eyes? These moments build up into the whole world feeling frozen over, but can you just look at what it is? There is a child in front of you, that child is you and they are not okay. All of those things you still say to yourself, that it wasn’t abuse, that it didn’t matter, that it was just life, that you have to get over it, can you say that to the child? 

The world does seem impossibly cruel sometimes. That feeling still comes up. But there is some guaranteed compassion available to you at every moment. Your own. At every memory and every pain, you have the option of sitting next to that child and hugging them and telling them they don’t deserve any of this. It felt necessary to scold and berate yourself because in that environment it was necessary to be tough. You are allowed to be kind now. 

That child has been waiting ages for some kindness, give it to them. Hug yourself, love yourself, soothe and nurture yourself and most importantly tell yourself that you are safe now. 

If you experienced any kind of abuse as a child and are still suffering from the effects Life Therapy with Zita offers a safe, gentle, compassionate environment for you to start healing the past and it’s painful memories. That child in you deserves to be loved and treated with kindness and compassion. You can tell the child that.

To book an appointment call Zita: 07709046643

The Still Point

“Archimedes used to say, ‘If I can find a silent still point in the universe, I can revolutionise the whole world.’ But he never found it because he was always looking outside. And that silent still point is within you; it has never moved. The earth moves, the sun moves, the stars move, now everything is whirling; but something within you is always absolutely still, and eternally still.

But to see it, to feel it, you have to get rid of your thoughts. If you don’t get rid of your thoughts, those thoughts will not allow you to see yourself. They keep you engaged, occupied. And it is easy to disperse them. Just try the simple thing that I am insisting on continually: do whatever you are doing, just go on watching your thoughts. If you miss, no harm; whenever you remember again, start watching. You will miss many times. Slowly, slowly you will miss less. 

Soon there will be big gaps when you will be aware and there will be no thoughts. In those gaps you will see the silent, still point; and certainly if you have found it, you can revolutionise the whole world.” – Osho



Transformation : a complete or major change in someone’s or something’s appearance, form, self etc.

At this time in humanity’s development many people are experiencing dislocation and confusion about their roles in society, their family and even themselves. To them it may appear that their former roles, values, and relationships are no longer valid. They question the purpose of their lives and everything that once had meaning for them.

What I am referring to is more than a mid-life crisis, such thoughts and feelings may occur at any age from a teenager to a senior citizen. It may start suddenly with the onset of a life threatening illness, or it may be a gradual disenchantment with society’s values by someone who “has it all.” Individuals may be uninterested in topics relating to mental and emotional well being and still encounter this process because all people are physical, emotional, mental, whether they are consciously aware of it or not. Therefore, this experience may arise both in the life of someone who meditates and goes on retreats, or with someone who does not. It is not our personality that determines the timing of our desire for transformation, that call comes from a far deeper place within ourselves. It is a call that will not go away if we try to ignore it, that part of ourselves is far too intelligent to allow that to happen. Our unconscious mind will simply find ways, usually through hidden thought processes to create experiences in our lives to let us know something needs to be acknowledged.

If you are going through a transformation it might feel as if you are losing control of your life, and perhaps even questioning your identity. This feeling, is just your personality’s fear of losing control. In actuality it is an indication of strength and emotional maturity when a person experiences this kind of shift.

In many cultures and religions references are made to this process. In the old testament of the Bible it is referred to as the dark night of the soul. In ancient Greece, Egypt, India and other cultures there were schools of wisdom which helped individuals through this experience. These individuals were taken into seclusion and taught what was referred to as the inner mysteries. Now, it is perfectly normal and acceptable in most of the western world that people will seek out some kind of talking therapy. England is the only country that has been slow to embrace this mature approach to our mental and emotional well-being, and as individuals and families we suffer greatly for it.

We still have very limited means by which people can find and receive the support they need when they enter this phase of their life. Friends and family are wonderful, however even their best intentions can be detrimental as they fear for our well-being and maintaining the status quo. Very few people think it a luxury to quit their job and go off to an ashram in India to meditate and find themselves. Nor is that necessary. None of us are given more than we can handle. When your unconscious mind starts the process of transformation you are are set up to succeed. Nobody wins if you fail and deep down you know that, even if you struggle consciously to believe it. This means that if you are married, have children, have a nine to five job you can do this and still succeed. This is also true if you are divorced, do not get on with your children, and have just been fired from your job. Sometimes we experience painful and difficult things in our life to encourage us to reach for a better understanding about what within us is really out of alignment. If we take heart and look within ourselves and around ourselves with compassion and care we may find that we were sabotaging our own ability to live a harmonious life.

The numbers of people undergoing this kind of transformation are increasing daily. This is obvious from the chronic low grade depression we sense in people around the world. More than ever before talk of depression and mental health graces our news stories and daily conversations. It does not make sense that people in the developed world who have lovely homes, jobs, cars and the opportunity to buy whatever they want with the swipe of a finger would feel depressed – unless another reason for their depression exists aside from satisfying their material and physical needs. There is a hunger emerging in people in the western world who have strengthened their personality and fed it everything it wishes. No amount of possessions, relationships, or status will fill this hunger. This is the call from our unconscious mind that it needs something more than we are currently feeding it. The only way left to find out what will satisfy us is to look compassionately within.

It is in our nature to evolve, we have been doing it since the moment we were conceived. The only way that we ever hinder our evolution is to keep ourselves closed. And what closes us? Fear is what closes us; fear that we will not have enough, fear that we will not be looked after, fear that we will not be loved, fear that we will not be smart enough, fear that we will be excluded. Fear that we will undergo a scarcity of something, that we will not receive whatever the goodies are that others are getting. Fear combined with a lack of trust makes it difficult to commit to doing what you really want. Fear, an immature emotional response, shuts us down and closes us off from experiencing lasting love, abundance and prosperity in our lives.

Thankfully there is a way around all of that, I call it the Abundance Principle, it quite simply allows you to find a way to live a life without being crippled by fear. Yes, even your smoking habit is a form of fear. Excess over-weight and underweight those are also expressions of a mind in fear. Debt is fear, divorce, that too is ultimately about fear. It may be something different for each person, we tend to be unique that way, but whatever it is fear is the underlying cause.

The question is: what are you really afraid of? and if it is not you who did you learn or inherit your fear from? In all honesty, if it is not your fear then the polite thing to do is to give it back to who ever you got it from and let them deal with it. What ever it is Life Therapy with Zita can give you the support you need to transform your life. Just ask me how.

Ask Zita. please email or call me 07709046643

How to create the life you want.


“I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart.” Van Gogh

It does not matter what your race, religion or background is, one thing is a given, your intention is to create a wonderful life for yourself and perhaps for your family too. The difficulty that some people find in doing this is that they were never really taught how to do so for whatever reason. Everybody is doing the very best that they can with what they were given.

Creating the life you want is a process that can be achieved by way of a few simple steps to set the ball in motion and there is no time like the present to start. I like to use the word create with my clients as the word implies that not only is your life a beautiful work of art, but that it is not too far removed from the artists experience of creating a masterpiece. When an artist sets out on a new creative venture the initial purpose is to bring an internal vision to life in a tangible way. Your life is in effect the same, to live with all your senses an experience of your mind, some of these are conscious many are not. If you take a moment to imagine what a successful life would be like, the journey is an inward one to begin with, from here you are inadvertently calling upon all of your senses to bring it to life in your mind, hence the expression active imagination. You are activating your imagination to first realise the experience in your mind and in so doing the story will come to life in reality. Pretty much everything you live takes place in your mind first, whether you are acutely aware of all that you are creating or not.  Thus you will live out the content of your imaginings if a strong enough association has been developed in your mind first.

So, the purpose of todays exercise is to understand  a few simple steps that you can utilise to create what you actually want, to create what is right for you.

The first step is to define your goal. What do you want? It is a very simple question that you may not often ask of yourself, but take a moment… breathe… relax and listen to yourself as you ask yourself the question. What do I want?

The answer may not come right away but rest assured, it will. Do you want a better job, one that you are passionate about? Do you want more money? Or perhaps you want to marry a wonderful partner. Whatever it is sum it up in one simple sentence and write it down.

Step two

Once you have identified what it is that you want, get specific. Write in as much detail as you can what it is you are looking for. For example; if it is a better job, ask yourself what hours you would like to work, how much money you would like to be paid, location, what aspects of your unique skills would the job engage? Take your time with this part of the exercise. It is not always easy to discern off the bat what it is exactly that you want, like any beautiful painting it takes time. First you need to establish the broad brush strokes and then the detail comes in, until finally the vision reveals itself clearly in a way that resonates with you. Here it can be useful to delve a little into the past to look at what you have learnt from previous experiences to gain an understanding of what works best for you. You may find that you come up with a few different variations of the final goal. That’s good. Choice can help you to hone what is best for you by feeling out each scenario.

The Third Step.

Once you have a clear idea of what your intention is by fine tuning what you have discovered in step two your mind is going to start throwing up reasons and excuses as to why it is not possible for you to accomplish your desired outcome. This is the time for you to be on full alert! This is the time to consciously and coherently counter each of those arguments. Presenting arguments is your mind’s way of keeping you in the comfort zone, your mind can often feel threatened by change, a legion of voices from your past programming will vehemently fight to stop you making progress. “It is too late” “You will never succeed” “ Who are you to think you can do this?” and so on… Sounds familiar right? You are not alone. However, it is important to remember that the only difference between you and those that do is overcoming this kind of thinking.


There is a wonderful story about the artist Joan Miro who at one point suffered terribly from a creative block as a painter, he could not or would not paint, he feared the blank canvass. One day an artist friend suggested that he should turn his back towards the canvass and without looking just put some kind of mark on the canvass. Miro followed this advice and turned around to discover that he had painted a star. From then on each time Miro started to work he would paint a star on the canvass to enable himself to overcome his fear of a blank canvass. Suffice to say it became the trade mark we know today of many of his great works.

If Joan Miro can overcome an obstacle of his mind then I am certain you can too. Deal with your “yeah buts” and “no buts” they are just an illusion of your mind. Make a comprehensive list of what stands in the way of your vision, writing it down will help you to see that it is the nay saying part of your mind that is all that is holding you back. Find holes in the arguments of your obstacles. It is at this point that it can be very useful to seek the assistance of a professional, a life-coach or hypnotherapist who can show you how to see things differently and look at your outmoded reasoning patterns to gain a new and healthier perspective. Some obstacles are valid and need to be grounded in reality in order to find a viable solution to overcome them.

Step Four

Make an intention to commit to realising your goal.

By this stage you will have a clear idea of what it is you wish to achieve, the obstacles will have been explored in a constructive and positive way. Now, all you have to do is commit to the action of making the dream a reality. Bottom line, having a dream and making it tangible requires a little effort, no matter what the size of the goal or dream is, it’s all relative. There is no room for second guessing yourself at this point. Set a date and go for it! I understand completely how daunting this can seem, fear is a powerful negotiator, thankfully so too is hypnosis which is why I love Hypnotherapy, it can literally punch the lights out of fear and doubt. Hurrah!

Step Five

Create it. Once you have removed the obstacles of fear, doubt and insecurity, now, is the time to go for it. I like to think of it as one of those old Spaghetti Westerns where a new Sheriff sweeps into town and cleans up the mess left by the rogues and bandits. Just one inspired bit of action a week can create a world of difference.

Step Six

Life is a beautiful journey, the destination is irrelevant, it is the doing that counts and every little thing that you do makes a difference. Getting to there from here quite poetically brings you to a new here. Just remember that little star that Joan Miro painted, without it some great works of art may never have been realised. You are not Joan Miro but in the wise words of Doctor Zeuss “…there is no one alive who is Youer than You”. It takes a little bit of time to create some kind of wonderful. It takes one sure footed step at a time. Soon enough you will come to see that getting what you truly want is not about luck or being born with a silver-spoon in your mouth it is about consciously taking one beautiful step at a time to reach the mountain top. I can assure you that whatever your mountain top maybe the view will be entirely worth putting that first star on your canvass.

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