What are you passing to your children?

Dr Jung tells the story of a parent who came in for treatment of an ailment. When asked to share their dreams they replied that they never dreamed, but that their six year old child had very vivid dreams. Dr Jung asked them to record their child’s dreams. The parent brought their child’s dreams for several weeks and then suddenly began dreaming themselves. The child’s heightened dreams stopped immediately.

Dr Jung explained to the parent that, unwittingly – they had fallen into the usual modern collective attitude toward such things – and had failed to take care of an important aspect of their own life, the child had out of a loyalty in love been obliged to carry that burden for them.

If you wish to give your children the best heritage, give them a clear subconscious, not your own unlived life, which is hidden in your subconscious until you are ready to face it.

In Conversation with Tasha Jackson author of Master Dater

In this episode of Conversations with Ourselves, I chat with Tasha Jackson (Fitzgerald) about her book Master Dater: The Dating Guide For Finding Love In A Digital Age. It is informative and very funny. The book, much like the author is the cool breeze and Californian sunshine we could all do well to infuse into our dating and relationship experiences. I can’t recommend it enough.

Tasha has a diverse clientele that ranges from drag queens to CEOs. Based in San Francisco, Tasha Jackson is a Psychotherapist, Marriage Family Therapist and Relationships Counsellor. She has been widely published in academic journals and has guest lectured as a master-level teacher.

Raised by a lesbian mother, Tasha gained national attention for being an early advocate for the LGBTQ community, and was one of the first USA based therapists to openly advocate for gay parenting. Tasha holds a master’s degree in counselling psychology.

You can find a copy of her book Master Dater: here

For more information on Tasha you can visit her website: here

You can also connect with her on:
Twitter @TashaJacksTweet
Instagram: @Shrink_shots tashajackson.com

To enjoy the conversation please click the podcast link below.

I Remember When

I remember when the setting of the sun signalled the end is nigh. We said Amen in the fear another day would not greet us again.

I remember when in Medieval times we feared crossing the sea because the world was flat and life would end.

I remember when Armageddon was the 2nd World War for the 1st World War to end the wars that would end all time.

I remember when they promised a Nuclear War would end the world. I slept in fear, anxiety ridden as sirens sang throughout the night.

I remember when a giant CFC whole in the sky stopped us spraying on Impulse.

I remember when a giant concrete A fell across the TV screen warning of a terrible disease that would obliterate all mankind in 10 short years.

I remember when the cows went mad and we were sad that our global death would be bovine and not divine.

I remember when an Inconvenient Truth promised the end of ice to put in our tea.

I remember when our Carbon Footprint turned out the lights.

I remember when I learned that the easiest way to control a mass of people was to keep them living in fear of dying.

I remember when death became so frightening I lost my fear of dying.

I remember when kids spoke truth to power as they joined us in our fear of dying.

I remember when the sun came out to shine and people complained that it’s presence was a sign that extinction was coming.

I remember when.

In Conversation with Deborah Brand

Deborah Brand is a London based bespoke corsetière. She began her career in fashion in the 1990’s. Over the years Deborah has had the pleasure of dressing numerous celebrity clients including Naomi Campbell, Amal Clooney, Bjork, Cara Delevingne, Kylie Minogue, Kim Kardashian, Salma Hayek, Penelope Cruz and Thandie Newton to name but a few.

As one of the world’s leading corsetières, corsetry is integral to Deborah’s designs. Her mission is to make all women look and feel the very best version of themselves.

The tide of women’s changing gender roles has heralded a change in our relationship to the corset. Once a symbol of restraint and chastity, corsets are finding a new place in the wardrobes of empowered women.

Listen as Deborah shares her intimate insights and understanding of the evolution of women’s underwear in society today

For more information on Deborah and her beautiful corsets visit her website here.

In Conversation with Ainsley

Success has the face of your mother.

In this episode we discuss the role of Mother in our life.

It is our relationship with our primary care – giver, our Mother, that serves as a proxy for our relationship with success and life.

If there is a strained or difficult relationships with our primary care – giver, our mother, it is reflected in a non-relationship relationship with life and success. Simply put, it is difficult for someone to excel at any venture they know is worthy of their human endeavour if they have a disrupted bond with their mother.

As with anything in life we have the power to change aspects of our life to create better outcomes in all areas of their life.



In Conversation with Franziska J. Golenhofen

Franziska Golenhofen is a consultant, researcher and recent co -author of the book “Mastering Disruption and Innovation in Product Management” (2018).

The book aims to guide corporate Business Units to Startups through the process of creating tangible products and services from their initial ideas. With a systemic impact and systems thinking perspective, it is here where Franziska integrates and connects insights from human – centred design approaches to technical concepts such as modularisation and platforms.

Prior to publishing the book, Franziska worked at Siemens Management Consulting and on the inaugural FIFA Female Leadership Programme.

Franziska Golenhofen holds an MSc in Social Innovation and Entrepreneurship from the London School of Economics, has published with Oxford University Press, and is an advocate for UN Sustainable Development Goals and work done by One Young World.

Having grown up in Hawaii and Munich, Franziska has lived and worked in the USA, Canada, Germany, South Africa, the Netherlands and most recently, the UK.

In this conversation we explore the influence of systemic awareness as an inherent skill in Systemic Leadership and how both can be implemented as a means to improving our current models of education and  healthcare.

I trust you will enjoy the Conversation as much as we enjoyed having it. Thank you for listening.


When the voice of power has the face of a child.

When I am coaching a client I am often working with their family system. It is not unusual to find we touch on a place where an impasse has occurred. An impasse or a feeling of being stuck happens when the voice of their inner child holds the power.

When enough is not enough.
An adult may find themselves locked in a struggle from their childhood with one or more family members, usually a parent. The voice of the child may sound a bit like this: “If my Daddy had been around more when I was growing up then, xxxx would be different now.” “If my Mummy had paid as much attention to me as she did to my little sister, then we would most likely have a better relationship.” “If I had just been taught how to get ahead in life then I would probably have been promoted by now.”

The power of resistance.
These are just some of the ways our inner child can create resistance to receiving in our adult life. This can show up in a number of different ways where it feels like life seems to consistently let us down. A fine example is a resistance to Coaching which would end the stalemate and allow us to feel better. Or feeling that we must be the ones who sacrifice themselves and do it all. Because the voice of our inner child asks for things from a disempowered place it becomes difficult for the adult part to receive the support that would enable them to feel powerful. This is neither a good or bad thing it is just the nature of how a child is.

A child cannot provide the basics of what it needs without help. And so it has to ask for help from others and then wait for it to happen. And then the child’s only hope is to wait for someone to respond to them in the way that they want, then the ability to see the reality of the resources available and take them feels stifled.

The Movement.
The story looks rather different from the perspective of the adult. The adult can find the resources it needs to give them acknowledgement, support, money and of course unconditional love outside of their parents or guardians. The adult has the courage to just reach out and take what it wants and needs.

When I see that my client is waiting to receive something from the parent, whether that is acknowledgement, space, an apology, money, unconditional love or something else, the content of the request may differ but the core plea goes back to the same place, the inner child: “if only Mummy or Daddy were different, then things would be better.” Then my role is to support the client through the movement of reaching out and receiving. Sometimes this is done through a simple and effective floor mapping exercise, sometimes it is done through visualising, either way, as we experience it in our mind and heart new neural pathways are created and the change is experienced in real life. It is simple yet incredibly deep and powerful, most significantly because the relief is palpable.

Beyond the impasse.
It is a terribly difficult place for an adult to find themselves caught in these impasses yet it is very common, in many instances it becomes an accepted way of living one’s entire life. When I work with this kind of being stuck, I look for opportunities where the client can find acceptance, a making of peace with the past as it was. Genuine acceptance heals, it brings a peaceful resolution. And that resolution may look completely different for each person.

Often times we experience acceptance as a warm, cozy glow that sweeps across our body and looks like forgiveness. Sometimes it looks like pulling away. Even then it is just as beautiful. Stepping back can be one of the most empowering acts of a person’s life. Because in essence what is being said is: “I no longer need to get this from you, because I know I can find it for myself.” We restore a certain order and system of life respects the order that comes from acceptance.

If you are struggling to feel empowered then book a session with me here now. 

If you are a female lawyer join us on a retreat in Spain this summer, June 2019. We will be doing some beautiful inner child work to support your wellbeing and career. If you would like to join us then book your place here today.

Are you the one to blame?

The life experiences you have as early as 9 years of age can define much of who you are as an adult today. These early experiences and how we interpret them can shape and define how we approach life. How we live life, and how we take on blame.

How do we get stuck? 
Between the age of 9 – 12 we are forming the foundation of our personality whilst at the same time we are entirely dependent on other people to keep us alive. We watch, listen and learn how to maintain a sense of belonging to them in order to assure our survival. It is a very important time in our journey through life and these impressions add considerable power and intensity to how we formulate our model of the world.

During this time we are looking to see how our parents interact with each other. How does Daddy get Mummy to keep loving him. How does Mummy get Daddy to keep loving her. Are they kind to each other. How do they speak to each other. How do they express this love. Do they touch each other. How do they support each other. What keeps love  (togetherness) alive. What assures our place in the family and what behaviour makes us seemingly more or less lovable.

Depending on what we observe and how we choose to interpret it we can get stuck in this place and time, either because we feel we did not receive enough to leave. Or, because we got too much and want nothing to do with any of it. Perhaps it was stressful and played havoc with our nervous system or perhaps something frightened us and we retreated into our self to protect our self. If this period is challenging in some way we can easily form the belief that whatever is not right is the result of something we have done wrong. We blame ourselves.

This perception can come about in a number of ways. Let’s say you believe that you did not get enough because you were neglected or because you were consistently criticised. Perhaps your parents got divorced and your father left the family. Or your mother was often anxious, stressed out and angry. Perhaps your family had financial difficulties or your father seemed absent, distracted, detached. These are just some of the variables that commonly occur in family life.

Whichever it was for you, as the child you are likely to see yourself as the centre of the world and so it would be natural for you to come to the conclusion in your head that you were responsible. This is way in which you set yourself up to align with a pattern of blaming your self later on in life.

In reality there are many ways that you interact with the world and the world interacts with you that is far beyond your control. This does not mean you are not in control of some situations in life, it does mean that there are limits to what you have power over.

It is important for you to understand that such misguided beliefs can have a profound impact because they distort your perception of reality. If you believe that your experience is your fault when in reality it was not at all, you inadvertently give people and experiences the power to define who you are and what you will become. Not only is that a very limiting way to live it is also a very painful way to interact with the world.

Here is the solution
When I work with clients I direct the answer to the question ‘am I to blame?’ as follows: It does not matter what your strengths or weaknesses were. It does not matter if you needed additional support. It does not matter if you often had a tendency to feel a certain way. It does not matter if you were different to Emma, Lucy or Julia when you were in primary school. None of it matters. There is absolutely no thing that changes this simple truth. You were not to blame. It is only the natural limitations of an innocent and confused child that could possibly see it any other way.

When you heal your inner child and let that 9, 10, 11,12 year old child that lives within you know that they were not to blame, you start the process of healing the part of yourself that feels responsible and self blames for all the things over which you have absolutely no control. And once you heal that, you relinquish the need that creates the charge to keep paying the price for being the one to blame. It is quite a significant burden to relieve yourself of. It frees you up to really live your life fully, joyfully and with far less effort. And that is definitely a good thing!

It is time to stop blaming yourself and get out of your own way.
There are very few real obstacles to experiencing success in life, mostly they live in your head. Because they live in your head they are simple to change. Finding them can be tricky as they tend to sit in your blindspot, which is why working with a very good coach can help you navigate and find your way to freedom.

If your experience of life is stifled by self blame, book a session with me now to discover for yourself what freedom feels like. You can contact me here.

In Conversation with Vanessa Vallely OBE

In this episode of Conversations with Ourselves it was amazing to have Vanessa Vallely come in for a chat and to hear her share her take on life. Given her incredible accomplishments and that she is the champion of women up and down the UK, I would be lying if I said it was not exciting for me to spend some time with her so I was delighted when she said yes.

To touch lightly on her accomplishments, here is a brief synopsis.

In 2008 at the height of her career in financial services Vanessa launched the award wining We Are The City, its purpose, to help corporate women connect and grow professionally and personally. Today We Are The City has over 120,000 members.

As the founder of the diversity forum Gender Networks, Vanessa has brought together diversity leaders from over 120 firms across the UK to share best practice.

In 2015 Vanessa was in GQ UK’s Top 100 Connected Women and the Evening Standard’s 1000 Most Influential Londoners. Vanessa is a regular guest on TV and radio and also sits on the Government Digital Services advisory board.

Vanessa is the author of the book “Heels of Steel: Surviving and Thriving in the Corporate World” which tracks her career and shares no less than 13 chapters of tips on how to succeed in the workplace.

I hope you enjoy the Conversation as much as we did. Please do share with your friends and colleagues. Women championing women who champion other women is always a winning game!


In Conversation with Ainsley.

Welcome to episode 5 of Conversations with Ourselves. In this episode we explore what lies behind Life Therapy with Zita. Guest host Ainsley asks the questions as Zita talks about her move from the world of fashion, 13 years as a fashion editor and stylist in the USA to Hypnotherapy and Coaching in London.