Better Sex with Hypnotherapy

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                                              “Have a light heart and a happy soul” Zita

Great sex may seem like an unlikely benefit of Hypnotherapy, but to put it plainly when you experience a better connection with yourself everything in your life will improve quite significantly and that includes your sex life too. The benefits of Hypnotherapy are well reported far and wide for quitting smoking, passing exams, losing weight, reducing stress and pain, changing patterns of behaviour but little has been written about the wonders it can do for your sex life. In or out of the bedroom Hypnotherapy can do more to spice up your sex life than Viagra.

So why does Hypnotherapy make you better in bed? Well, let’s consider context first. Many of you are stressed out, whether from work, your relationships, money, and a whole host of other reasons, circumstantial and otherwise. Stress increases cortisol and adrenaline levels, and these increased levels of cortisol and adrenaline decrease sexual desire and performance (among other negative effects). I am sure you’ve heard that Hypnotherapy is a very powerful stress-reducing tool. Therefore, it stands to reason that Hypnotherapy can increase sexual desire and performance by reducing cortisol and adrenaline levels. The more relaxed you are in your daily life the better your orgasms will be. Think about it: do you feel aroused when you are stressed out? Probably not.

There are a number of issues that can have a negative impact on your sexual performance and pleasure. The truth is nothing should interfere with you having a wonderful fulfilling and highly satisfactory sex life with your partner. A loving intimate relationship is as vital to life as breathing. Religion does not belong in the bedroom, it belongs in a place of worship. A significant number of people who are overtly religious experience significant sexual problems because nature says to do one thing and their religion says to do another. That results in guilt and shame and causes emotional trauma that interferes with pleasure and expressions of intimacy that can eventually have a negative effect on a relationship.

A lack of sexual arousal can be caused by negative emotions, which may be the root of some physical discomfort that cause you to shy away from having sex, be it that you frequently experience headaches prior to sex or pain during sex to some other problem. If you have already explored with your GP the possible medical causes then it is more than likely that an emotional issue is the obstacle to you experiencing a joyful sexual encounter with your partner. If you lack sexual arousal or feel you do not match your partners needs, exploring ways to restoring balance is just a consultation away.

If you have experienced a negative sexual experience in your past then the memory of the trauma can have a detrimental effect on how you view sex and intimacy. However, there are solutions to be found and although the emotional recovery period may take some time with the considered approach of Life Therapy it is possible to bring about a quicker closure to the painful trauma of the past experience and return to a happy healthy sex life. More than any other therapy Hypnotherapy can support you to rediscover a comfortable relationship with your sexuality.

Sexuality and intimacy goes beyond sexual intercourse. Oral sex and touching your partner in ways they enjoy is just as much a part of intimacy as the rest. For some people it may be difficult to find ways of pleasing their partners beyond just intercourse and this can lead to problems in a relationship if it is not addressed. Feeling more comfortable in pleasing your partner is just another one of the issues covered with Hypnotherapy

For a loving and intimate relationship to succeed, trust is crucial. If trust has been broken due to infidelity then the bond needs to be restored if your relationship is to survive. Forgiving your partner is one part, forgetting and letting go of the past is the second. If you are finding it difficult it get that past moment out of your mind during intimacy, you should at least explore what Hypnotherapy can do to bring closure and forgiveness even if you decide you no longer wish to be with that person, quite often the loss of trust is carried over to the next partner and will have a negative impact on your sexual relationship with a new partner.

Medication can also have a negative effect on your sex life, If you are on antidepressant medications, you already know that they have a negative side effect on your sex life. If you have been wanting to get off the antidepressants because you no longer need them, or for whatever reason then the Life Therapy approach to Hypnotherapy can support you to transition to a healthier relationship with yourself which will benefit all your relationships including the one with your partner. Viagra! Erectile dysfunction is not as prevalent as the sales of Viagra would have you believe. Not everyone who takes Viagra actually needs it. That little blue pill only works on one part of sexual dysfunction, getting the blood to where it is needed. The biggest group that actually needs Viagra are men that have already suffered damage from smoking. If you have never smoked, then the chances are very high you don’t need Viagra you simply need to adjust your thinking.

Studies show that Hypnotherapy improves the functioning of your mind, a healthy mind is more present and less prone to be distracted, most of us have an over developed left-brain. The job of the left brain is to review the past and rehearse the future. This can keep us trapped in a past / future thought cycle and rob us of the ability to be fully present in the right now, which is the only time an orgasm can happen. The right brain is in charge of present moment awareness and this is the part of the brain that Hypnotherapy gives a workout, kind of like a gym for your mind. Like your body if you exercise your mind through regular hypnosis the right and the left hemispheres of the brain come to a balanced and harmonious relationship with each other. Self hypnosis is a skill you can easily learn in one Hypnotherapy session to use as and when you need to. The result of this is more attention, awareness and computing power for the task at hand. And depending on what you and your partner(s) are into it may take quite a few hands. Nobody likes a distracted lover.

Hypnotherapy can support you to develop a more secure sense of self and stop you looking to your partner to complete you. “You complete me” are probably the most damaging words to come out of Hollywood. No one can complete you. No partner, job, degree or number of zeros in your bank account can complete you. Your happiness exists in one place and that is inside of you and it exists in one time and that time is now. If you do not have a secure sense of self then you are more inclined to seek fulfilment externally. If you are looking to your partner to prop you up mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually then you will always be disappointed as there is nothing outside of you that has the ability to give you access to your bliss. Happiness is an inside job.

Hypnotherapy might make your partner think you are psychic! If you haven’t heard about mirror neurons yet, get ready. Scientists say that mirror neurons are going to do for psychology what DNA did for biology. Think of mirror neurons like tiny boomerangs emitted from your brain that go and dance with your lover’s mirror neurons and then report back. Mirror neurons allow you to “intuit” what your partner is feeling. It is your mirror neurons that make you cringe when you see someone get hurt or why you smile when you see a happy baby. It is also the reason why the porn industry is so huge. Just the act of watching someone else being pleasured can create a pleasurable experience in your mind. Hypnotherapy has been shown to significantly improve your mirror neuron functioning. This along with the fact that you will become more relaxed and present in your life makes it far more likely that you will become a more intuitive and generous lover to your partner.

So before you reach for the little blue pill why not set an intention to improve your sex life with a few Hypnotherapy sessions? I strongly recommend it. There is little else more rewarding and fulfilling in life than having a stimulating and exciting sex life. It is effective, easy and most of all it is oh, so much fun!

Creating Lasting Change: New Year 2015

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January is a big month, for many people it is a time to break from the past, a chance to start over, even if in reality every day is the chance to make a fresh start many people still associate January with the time to make significant changes in their personal and professional lives.

In this age of constant contact even as early as the 27th December there has been a significant rise in the number of people seeking advice and assistance to set the ball of change rolling. Often referred to as Twelfth Nissi (a half pun for those who have already begun their divorce proceedings ) marks the first Monday of January when the number of divorces petitioned in a year are at their zenith. If you are married there is a one in five chance that you are considering a split this week. It sounds like a very high number, but there we have it according to the statistics of legal firm Irwin Mitchell. So if it is not you then it is probably him, check his phone, that is how all the best divorces start. For others a total transformation of self is on the cards, for some that will be a dry month (alcohol free for 30 days ) 30 days of white knuckling it through long dark wintery evenings just to prove that alcohol is not your most trusted friend and ally. For others there will be the gruesome and rather joyless task of trying out one of Gwyneth Paltrow’s highly ascetic detox programmes, something akin to entering a gourmet monastery for a few painful days, or weeks if you are hoping for a full conversion. None can alleviate the troubles of the mind that are bound to arise as you try in vain to make superficial changes in the hopes that ultimately your life will get better by sheer force of will.

These are all noble attempts and it is important that in such endeavours you are sure to thank yourself for the discipline of mind to instigate such change. Changing external patterns can be a great impetus to move further along the road and create change at a more fundamental level; changing beliefs and the habits that lead you to feeling the need to create external changes. For the most part external changes such as New Years resolutions come with their own set of limitations and before long they fall by the wayside and once again you are struggling with the same thoughts, feelings and emotions that brought you to resolve to change in the first place.

Real change occurs when we shift our perspective entirely with an intention rather than a resolution to turn the coin over and make a deeper commitment to see life differently. A change in perspective naturally brings a change in the way you actually experience life. By letting go of attachments to suffering, illness and painful experiences it is possible to leave the past where it well and truly belongs, in the past. A task which can often feel well and truly daunting. A task well worth the effort if you are of the mind deep down that life is supposed to be wonderful.

When you surrender to ‘what is’ with an open heart and a willingness to make true and lasting change, something different starts to happen inside you. You are instantly absolved of the desire to cling so tightly to what has gone before and seek new ways to open up new vistas in your thinking and ultimately in your way of being. You give yourself permission to enter unknown territories, otherwise known as a bright future and seek holistic constructive ways to create something different, something positive. It is not enough to just think positively least of all if you don’t truly believe those positive thoughts and affirmations to be true, saying so wont make it so. It is a start, a great start, just not quite enough to create a solid foundation for staying in those new greener pastures. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting to achieve a different outcome. For an ever growing number of people in the UK in recent years Hypnotherapy has proven to be one of the most positive and constructive ways to create meaningful changes in life often in the space of just three or four weekly sessions.

Life Therapy with Zita offers a dynamic new approach to Hypnotherapy that allows you to instigate change in every aspect of your life. With a greater awareness and understanding of the patterns of behaviour and thought that have been unconsciously running your life for most of your life it is possible to change outmoded patterns and upgrade them to patterns that suit you and your real needs better, to create the life you actually want to live, rather than the life that has been prescribed you by the circumstance of your birth and genetic blueprint.

There is no detox or split that will ultimately give you that degree of lasting New Year satisfaction, a life times worth as opposed to a few weeks worth. Divorce only becomes a good thing if a forgiving, peaceful resolution is found for you and your soon to be ex-partner. There are millions of people who have long since divorced their partner only to find that years later they are still in locked horn conflict with each other. Nobody wins in the game of blame, it is just endless, tedious and expensive not just financially, emotionally the price is extremely high for all concerned. Detoxing only really works if five years later you are still eating in a much healthier way, giving up alcohol is only purposeful if it is easy, in which case you would not need to take a break in the first place. Like many other resolutions these are just presenting issues, the real issues often remain unaddressed and will continue to haunt you or compromise the quality of your life until you chose to do the seemingly unthinkable, open the box and see what is really going on inside you.

The truth is most people are afraid to look inside, afraid of what they may or may not find. All I can say here and now is I can assure you it is really nowhere near as bad as you might think. In truth what you may be struggling to come to terms with is that it is your right to be happy. I don’t mean in the pejorative sense of ‘happy’ as in happy with the misery and struggle that life brings. I mean happy in the universal sense; as in joyful, at peace with life, at peace with yourself and living abundantly.

Celebrities can share their secrets of beauty, slimming, detoxing or whatever fad needs to be espoused to sell more stock however, few share the secret that got them the life, job, body, beauty they are selling. That secret, the one rarely spoken in the society pages and gossip columns is therapy and rarely is it the navel gazing kind that goes on year in year out. Nobody needs that kind of therapy. Therapy has progressed a great deal in the last 10 years and the number of people benefitting from it has increased exponentially. A great therapist will be keen to move you through change at a pace that suits you and your needs. Your life is happening now and great therapy works to keep pace with the flow of your life. Over the years I have worked successfully with hundreds of clients, celebrities and non celebrities, in Los Angeles, Stockholm and London with one single aim, to support them in creating positive healthy change in their life.

It is not luck that makes some people live happier, healthier, wealthier lives than others, there are plenty of unhappy, unhealthy wealthy people. Success is a balanced combination of all three, limited only by the definition you bring to it. It is just as easy to be rich as it is to be poor, so you might as well be rich, similarly you might as well be happy and healthy whilst you are at it. So, here is the bottom line. If you don’t have it all are you sane enough to believe that you deserve to have it all? If you are, but are just not sure how to have it all, then it is a wise and worthy investment to make an intention this year to find out what you can do for yourself to create the life you actually want. Success does not come to those who wait, success comes to those who have an intention to live it.

Wishing you a very happy and prosperous New Year! Over to you. Call or book a consultation now if your wish is to make it true.

Compassion to self

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Take a shower, wash off the day. Drink a glass of water. Make the room dark. Lie down and close your eyes.
Notice the silence. Notice your heart. Still beating. Still living. You made it, after all. You made it, another day. And you can make it one more.
You’re doing just fine.

Be kind to your self your self will appreciate it and repay you in kind.

Denial

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Any­time we deny our feel­ings we set our­selves up for a vic­tim per­spec­tive. Feel­ings are real. They are “energy-in-motion.” When we dis­count or under­mine our emo­tions we end up over­taken by them, becom­ing impul­sive reac­tors. We can’t take respon­si­bil­ity for our­selves when we refuse to acknowl­edge our feel­ings, which means that these dis­avowed “inner tyrants” will go on dri­ving our behav­ior from behind the scenes.

Although it is true that our feel­ings are gen­er­ated by what we believe, feel­ings are nonethe­less impor­tant. They alert us when we are think­ing unhappy thoughts; feel­ing “bad,” for instance, lets us know we are think­ing a most unhappy, pos­si­bly dis­torted, belief. Instead of deny­ing the feel­ing, we learn to fol­low the feel­ing in to the belief behind it. This is where true inter­ven­tion is pos­si­ble. The feel­ing dis­si­pates once the belief behind it is made con­scious and addressed. We learn to rec­og­nize that our feel­ings are what point us to the lim­it­ing beliefs that are keep­ing us stuck on the triangle.

Par­ents who never learned that feel­ings fol­low thought and who grew up with­out per­mis­sion to acknowl­edge or express feel­ings often deny their chil­dren the same right. They may have decided early in life that cer­tain feel­ings are wrong or bad, so they deny and repress them with­out exam­in­ing the rul­ing thoughts behind the feelings.

Telling our­selves that our feel­ings are unac­cept­able does not make them go away. As long as we con­tinue to attach belief to painful sto­ries about our­selves and oth­ers we will go on gen­er­at­ing these same neg­a­tive feel­ings. When sup­pressed, these denied emo­tions become secret pock­ets of shame within the psy­che. They only serve to alien­ate us from oth­ers and sen­tence us to a life on the triangle.

Some­times we deny feel­ings in an ill-fated attempt to avoid feel­ing bad. Per­haps we tell our­selves that we can’t han­dle our feel­ings, that they are too much for us. We may think we are at the mercy of our own mis­ery because we don’t know from where these feel­ings come or what to do with, or about them. Maybe it is bet­ter to stay away from these messy inner states under such circumstances.

But when we know that it’s our thoughts that pro­duce painful feel­ings; that indeed our unhappy feel­ings act as gate­ways into greater under­stand­ing of our­selves — then we no longer have the need to sup­press uncom­fort­able feel­ings. Until we are able rec­og­nize and grasp the impli­ca­tions of these sim­ple truths how­ever, we may go on try­ing to escape pain using var­i­ous sup­pres­sion tac­tics. These attempts at avoid­ance only keep us stuck with dysfunctional behaviour patterns where the guar­an­teed out­come is suf­fer­ing and misery. Getting honest with yourself is the basic requirement for getting unstuck from dysfunctional patterns of behaviour.

Of course, when feel­ings are denied, hon­esty is impos­si­ble. Remem­ber that denial comes out of neg­a­tive self judg­ment. If we have decided on some level that we can­not accept our thoughts, behav­ior or feel­ings then, chances are, we will not be able to admit we have them. It’s too painful to admit some­thing about our­selves that we have judged as unac­cept­able. We must prac­tice self accep­tance if we are truly going to be able to be hon­est with our­selves and others.

The Rule About Beliefs

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Unhealthy beliefs about our­selves and the world, instilled in child­hood, become rigid rules that may need to be vio­lated. Fam­ily dic­tums such as, “don’t talk about it”, “don’t share feel­ings”, or “it’s self­ish to take care of your­self,” are some of the old beliefs that have ruled us and must be chal­lenged if we are to find inner peace. We can expect, and even cel­e­brate, uncom­fort­able feel­ings when they come up for us, learn­ing to see them as oppor­tu­ni­ties for free­ing our­selves of the painful beliefs that keep us trapped in negative patterns of behaviour.

Some­times we sim­ply need to sit with an uncom­fort­able feel­ing such as guilt, with­out act­ing on it. Guilt does not nec­es­sar­ily imply that we have behaved wrong or uneth­i­cally. Guilt is often a learned response. Some­times guilt just means that we’ve bro­ken a dys­func­tional family pattern.

I am reminded of a story I often hear among ther­a­peu­tic cir­cles about the way to cook a ham.

A lit­tle girl noticed her mother cut­ting the butt end off the ham to cook it for the fam­ily hol­i­day din­ner and asked, “Why do you cut off the end to cook it?” The mother with­out giv­ing it a moment’s thought, replied, “Why, this is the way my mother always cooked a ham, so I know it’s the right way to do it!” Well, the lit­tle girls grand­mother hap­pened to live close by, so she vis­ited her and asked her the same ques­tion, “Grandma, why do you cut the butt end off the ham before you cook it?” Her grand­mother replied that her mother had taught her to cook a ham like that. Great granny hap­pened to be vis­it­ing for the hol­i­day so the lit­tle girl went to her and asked the same ques­tion — and this time she got the “real” answer  “Child, when I was cook­ing hams back then, I only owned one bak­ing pan and it was too small to hold a whole ham so I would cut the butt end off the ham to make it fit!”

This is how it happens. We fol­low, with­out ques­tion, fam­ily dic­tums and inter­nal­ized beliefs that create noth­ing but misery.

A comfort zone in hell.

A wealthy man died and knocked on the pearly gates. Saint Peter opened the door and asked him what he desired. The rich man said, “I would like a first-class room with a good view of the earth, my favourite foods every day, and also the daily paper”

Saint Peter hesitated, but the rich man was adamant. Saint Peter shrugged his shoulders and gave him a first class room with a good view of the earth, and brought him his favourite foods and the daily paper. He said well “here is what you wanted, I will be back in a thousand years.” Then he left and locked the door.

After the thousand years had passed, he returned and looked into the room through the peephole. “There you are at last”, cried the rich man. “This heaven is a terrible place”.

Saint Peter shook his head and looked at him with pity. “You are mistaken” he said “You chose hell”

When we hold on to the past we create as many problems for ourselves as trying to control the future, holding onto the past limits our freedom. Nothing changes or grows in the comfort zone, rather it stagnates. It becomes a living hell. It should come as no surprise that the majority of people in the world would rather be miserable than experience joy or happiness, such that therapy and personal development is often ridiculed or demeaned. Playing safe to avoid problems does not provide any security or protection, it simply limits our experience. If we have courage and faith to leave the comfort zone, challenge the beliefs we inherited or learnt there is a strong possibility that we will indeed experience something different, what surprises people who take those brave steps out of their comfort zone is that what they experience is often far better, not because life has suddenly become easier, as our perception of life changes the results are surprising because it is different from what we could contrive or wish from the comfort zone. A whole new world of possibilities open up to us, this is heaven.